I Own Your Ass…..

Have you ever noticed that when it comes to some couples who are either married or living together it always the female (and yes I am just talking about male/female relationships) who is “in charge”

In charge of deciding the decor, the fixtures and fittings, the level of tidiness or untidiness she will tolerate. In fact, as soon as a woman, in the case of those couples who decide to live together, moves into a male’s house, she takes over. Even if she has not paid a penny towards the purchase of said house.

Ok, I get that for some men, they have zero interest in decor, zero interest in whether the carpets match the curtains, or whether the sofa looks better in one place or the other, so quite happily just let their female partner just get on with it. Fair enough. But, and this is purely from observation, I have seen women tell men in their own homes to, get your feet off the coffee table” ordon’t put those dishes in THAT cupboardor get those papers/books/bits of some project, off the table and out into the garage

I have seen men tippy toeing around their own house, afraid to even leave a cup or a plate unwashed and left in the sink and women practically lose their minds and scream “you’re turning MY house into a tip

It gets worse, some women will give their male partners the once over and decide he needs a makeover, from his haircut to his choice of shoes, they will literally remake this poor man into their image of what he should be. The funny thing is, and again this is just from observation, a lot of men put up with this shit. They put up with being treated like unwelcome visitors in their own homes, with their female partners practically accusing them of “making the place look untidy” by simply being in it! They will tolerate with barely a whimper of protest being dressed, groomed and made over as if they were children being gussied up by their mothers before being deemed suitably attired for public viewing.

This “caretaking” even goes so far as to dictate what this poor unfortunate male will be allowed to eat, his diet will be scrutinised and evaluated and if found to be not to her liking, will be changed, foods will be banned, portions will be minimised if she has decided he needs to “lose weight” and if she decides he is “out of shape” he will be nagged to join a gym, get some exercise.  Though funnily enough, if the man in question actually does play some kind of sport, unless it is one sanctioned by or approved of by this termagant then the nagging to give it up will go into hyperdrive.

How does one spot this type of female, how does one recognise the signs, if you are male and want to avoid burdening yourself with this nag?

Well, if you are intending to marry this wretch, the months leading up to the wedding are a good gauge of how she behaves and will behave in the future with regard to you having a say, being allowed to make choices about something that affects you.  If it becomes obvious that you, a male, are a bit player in your own wedding, if it is made abundantly clear that this is her day, then you my dear have massive problems looming in your future. Huge. Especially if in the course of the wedding preparations, her mother, her sisters and her friends all join forces with her to sideline you, to treat you as irrelevant to the proceedings then, not only can you be sure that this is not just wedding hype that has gotten hold of her but is a deeply ingrained, deeply embedded typical behaviour because everyone around her doesn’t bat an eyelid, and accepts this behaviour as normal!

What about if you are just either preparing to live together or have her move in with you?

Ah, same shite, different circumstances basically, if she gives your place the once over and decides that “we” need to make some changes – you’re in trouble.

I recall the scene in the movie When Harry Met Sally, and the character played by Carrie Fisher was moving in with Bruno Kirby’s character. The wheel coffee table –  Carrie Fisher’s character decided that it was ugly and therefore it was getting dumped, this coffee table symbolises, for me, anyways, the complete lack of respect and consideration for the feelings, tastes and personal choices of men that a lot of women, not just display, but expect to be endorsed. The way a lot of women assume ownership of men, put themselves “in charge” without even the slightest hesitation. They just expect and demand to be the last word on every single thing in their relationships with men.

Men become props, accessories, a backdrop to her “lifestyle” men are to be tolerated, endured, put up with. These women are sooooooooooo not worth it lads, really, come on, when you entered adulthood, grew up, got a job, got your own little castle, did you really expect that a normal relationships involved you turning back into a naughty boy being nagged by his mother to pick up your socks/clothes/crap”  ortidy your room”  orNo, you can’t go to that football match/concert/out with your friends!” Really? Is that what you thought was supposed to happen?

Guys, if you spot the signs that your girlfriend/fiancée or SO really believes she is “in charge” of even the tiniest little detail of YOUR life – run – I mean it – run – dump her ass – throw her out of your house. Because all those cute little “ways” that she has now, all those little caring gestures designed to “help you” to “improve you” NOT for your benefit, nope, she is remaking you, she is moulding you into HER image of what you SHOULD be, and no, you won’t get a say in this process!

Because if you do go ahead and allow this scold into your life, into your home, and you piss her off, YOU will end up sleeping on the sofa she chose, which you secretly hate, in the living room she decorated, which you are not allowed to “mess up” by being in it, dressed in itchy, uncomfortable underwear she bought you and you have to wear, while she sleeps like a baby in the bed she picked and chose the bedding for, that you are reluctantly allowed to share – if SHE’S in the mood!

One last thing guys, if the reason you did end up on that sofa, in that bizarrely decorated living room is because of some minor disagreement that escalated out of all proportion, then I can almost guarantee you that she engineered that “argument” for the sole purpose of making sure you DID end up on that rotten sofa. Starting fights over something minor and insignificant is usually camouflage to manoeuvre you out of the way, or in a position of weakness so she can get something she wants that she calculates you might object to. Giving it to her will be the apology she manipulated you into position to have to give her.

Yep, women ARE that sneaky.

© Anja Eriud 2013

10 Comments (+add yours?)

  1. George
    Nov 21, 2013 @ 04:20:03

    It’s funny — my sister would definitely agree with the points you make in this post. I’m a very tidy guy who has a good eye for decorating a home (and no, I’m not gay.) I tend to like a clean, minimalist/Zen sort of vibe in a home. People often remark on it. I’ve even been told, on occasion, that my home looks like something out of a magazine. I’ve never been married and my sister has theorized that this is largely due to the fact that my home is so clean and well decorated. She says that when my dates see my home, they instantly realize it will be very difficult to get the upper hand with respect to decorating and housekeeping issues. And, in her opinion, many women view control over these aspects of my life as essential intermediate steps to gaining control over a myriad of other aspects. Up to now, I didn’t really think she was right — but now I’m not so sure. :-))


  2. Anja Eriud
    Nov 21, 2013 @ 10:30:32

    Hi George

    Thank you for your comment and welcome. I’m curious, have you ever had an experience where a woman you were dating tried to gain even a little control over your living space?

    If yes, how did you handle it?



  3. George
    Nov 22, 2013 @ 00:28:23

    Hi Anja,

    It has never really happened to me. I’ve only had one women move in. In that particular case it turned out that, sadly, she had lots of emotional issues as well as serious financial troubles. So, gaining control over my living space just wasn’t something she thought much about.

    If we lived in a reasonable world though, I’d be happy to make changes to accommodate a woman in my home. Even though my house is very clean and well decorated, it has a distinctly masculine energy. I wouldn’t expect a woman to be comfortable there, any more than I’d be comfortable in a house completely decorated in, say, a pink floral motif. It really should come down to a question of balance.

    Unfortunately though, we don’t live in a reasonable world, or a balanced one. These days, it seems everything is about power and control.


  4. Anja Eriud
    Nov 22, 2013 @ 14:12:25

    “Unfortunately though, we don’t live in a reasonable world, or a balanced one. These days, it seems everything is about power and control.”

    I have to agree; in particular about “control” I am often simply stunned when I hear feminists in all seriousness get on their high-horses about “who does the most housework?”

    Seriously? THIS is what gets “funding” studies to parse down to the second it seems, who does what? In a world beset by innumerable real-life traumatic events, in a world where poverty, hunger, human rights abuses are rampant. Her X number of “extra hours” housework is considered an issue? Nit-picking over how “women have to do two jobs” their own real life “job” and then the burden of “taking care of the home

    I realise I’m ranting a bit, (a lot) but my thinking is, that if there was no market for these stupid studies, with that market being predominately female, then they wouldn’t get done! But women in particular are obsessed with “housework” because apparently they set the standards, they get to be “in charge” why else would it matter if she did 3 hours and 27 seconds MORE vacuuming/dusting/laundry/ironing whatever than their “other half”?

    It’s like a bizarre housework Olympics.


  5. George
    Nov 23, 2013 @ 01:18:29

    I agree Anja.

    To get back to the theme of your original post (taking overall control by gaining control of the home) here are a couple of current American television ads that you might find interesting. No subtlety here — these ads say loud and clear that men are idiots, and that women can take complete control over them by moving their useless belongings (and thus their influence) entirely out of the home.

    It wouldn’t be so bad if adverts like these were the exception but American TV is filled with them. Commercials, as well as many TV shows, routinely portray men and boys as fools, scoundrels, do-nothings, perverts, slobs, bumblers, or even as barnyard animals.

    Frankly, the fact that these ads are so successful with many American women provides real insight into their psyches — and it isn’t a pretty picture. I’m pretty sure there’s a clinical term for someone that needs to belittle others in order to feel good about themselves.

    Of course, these ads aren’t just hate-filled and unfair — they do a great deal of damage. But I suppose that’s a subject better left for an entirely separate rant.


  6. Anja Eriud
    Nov 23, 2013 @ 01:48:12

    It would be easy to just say that this skewed view of male female interactions, which portrays grown men as hapless children or at the very least goofy juveniles, and their wives/girlfriends/partners as “mommy” but there is a certain level of reciprocity going on in a lot of instances.

    BOTH types of behaviour need to be challenged, both men and women need to examine and reflect on how they interact with one another in the context of relationships. After all, we are talking about adults here, two adults.

    I am of the opinion that in the less extreme forms or manifestations of these behaviours that women in particular would “back down” if men just simply said – NO.
    No to being treated like a child, NO to being “managed” and NO to being relegated to a subordinate role in the relationship.

    Conversely, women also need to resist the urge to treat their husbands/boyfriends/partners like “one of the children”

    I have heard women with two children and a husband say “I don’t have two children, I have three” then laugh gaily with their “girlfriends” at this entertaining idea. It isn’t. It’s demeaning, disrespectful and not funny.

    Relationships and marriage for men is a minefield, and potentially devastating, if they go wrong, and approx 50% of them do. But men and women will continue to “get together” it is unrealistic to expect otherwise. Readjusting these behaviours might, just might, level the playing field within relationships and make them healthier. More drastic adjustment is needed to rectify the punitive family laws that punish men and fathers, but a conversation for another time also 🙂

    Please, feel free to have a rant – I enjoy a really good rant myself – excellent for
    clearing the cobwebs 🙂


  7. George
    Nov 23, 2013 @ 03:54:24

    Yes, somemen simply allow themselves to be relegated to a subordinate role in a relationship. But, in my experience, there aren’t nearly as many men in that role as the popular culture, or some snickering wives, would have us think. As I look around at the marriages with which I’m familiar (close friends and family) it’s not the case in any of them.

    Of course, I’m a bit older and I think the dynamics of marriage have changed quite a bit. For one thing, I notice that many of the young men I meet these days simply don’t have the confidence or the sense of direction that my friends and I had at their age. It’s a very unfortunate trend with a number of causes. This decrease in confidence could certainly result in young men being less likely to, as you put it, say NO in a relationship.

    I’m quite convinced that the reduction in young men’s confidence is, at least in part, a symptom of that popular culture we were speaking about — the culture that constantly bombards us with negative messages about males. That’s precisely what I was referring to at the end of my previous post, when I said that negative ads do a great deal of damage. In addition to TV ads and shows, boys are presented with damaging messages in other forms too. Just as an example, I very often see t-shirts and bumper stickers proclaiming to the world that “Girls Rule!, and “Girls Kick Ass!” I rarely, if ever, see that kind of public reinforcement of boys. In fact, not long ago, there was even a very popular series of t-shirts that said things like: Boys are Stupid, Throw Rocks at Them”, and “The Stupid Factory, Where Boys are Made.” (See below)

    Another cause of the decrease in young men’s confidence and optimism is the amazingly successful feminist assault on schools that has taken place over the past 40 years. As a result of a number of ill-advised changes and attitudes in our schools, American boys are now falling dramatically behind. This can be seen in virtually every important measure of educational and social success — boys’ grades are lower, they drop out more frequently, they commit suicide at much higher rates, they report hating school more often, they’re drugged for ADHD more frequently, they enter and finish college at lower rates, and the list goes on and on. I have quite a bit of experience with schools and I can also tell you that the overwhelming majority of teachers are female (at least here in the U.S) and a surprising number of those female teachers embrace some form of feminist views. (I dated one such woman for quite a long time.)

    Doing everything we can to push girls forward is a great thing but it’s wrong to allow boys to be pushed back or to fall by the wayside in the process. Despite what some people claim, education and success is not a zero-sum game.

    In any case, it’s wrong for advertisers to constantly portray men’s behaviors, their sexuality, and their interests are puerile. As responsible members of society we should resist this because it has profoundly negative impacts. The advertisers don’t care about these impacts — they only care about making money.

    Again, if any other group were portrayed the way males currently are, there would be widespread outrage, and it would be justified. Just think how you would feel, even as an adult, if every time you turned on the TV you were told you were a bad person. Then consider the likely impact of this on a child.


  8. Fergus
    Nov 24, 2013 @ 14:37:31

    Don’t forget the women that force men to wear their panties and bra while doing the chores.


    • Anja Eriud
      Nov 24, 2013 @ 16:55:20

      Not something I’ve given much thought to, but an “interesting” if slightly odd comment.

      Thank you (I think) Fergus.


  9. DaPoet
    Nov 29, 2013 @ 20:01:53

    Georgia wrote: Just think how you would feel, even as an adult, if every time you turned on the TV you were told you were a bad person.

    My Turn: This is why my wife spends the majority of her time watching tv alone while I spend the most of my free time in front of my computer. Before she was laid off at the beginning of the 2008 recession we used to spend an hour in the evenings watching tv.. But when she didn’t find another job and ended up spending her days watching tv while I had to increase the overtime I was working from two extra hours a day to four. I stopped watching tv with her on a daily basis when she refused to watch with me the sci/fi television shows I like to watch on dvd.


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