On The Shelf

 

Ah yes, this used to be the fate that every woman feared, if not openly, then in the long dark watches of lonely nights. Being left on the shelf implied that one had been examined, a careful eye had been cast over one and that eye, and many more, had passed on to select another.

Just as children feel the sting of rejection, the pain of “not being picked” this is the fate of many women who if they were honest with themselves are beginning to feel.

Pair bonding, mate selection, these are the behaviours common to all species, including Homo Sapiens Sapiens.  It is deeply embedded into our hardwiring to find, bond and reproduce with a mate. For all our technological sophistication, all our amazing intellectual and cultural achievements this is what keeps some of us awake at night.

It is what is keeping many many women awake at night, though they would deny it. It is what haunts their secret dreams and lies like a shadow across their minds, even as they present themselves to the world as carefree, glittering butterflies, as devil may care hedonistic bon vivants, as “strong independent women” taking on the world and winning.

Hmmm.

I wonder, I ponder and I reflect as I observe the behaviour, the corrupted mating behaviour of young and not so young females, and it is mating behaviour that drives this behaviour and actions of so many women. Why are you bothering?  Why are you making such a display, exhibiting yourselves in such a manner, dressing, speaking and unconsciously demanding  – look at me, pick me, when it is clearly a ploy, a false display, when it is clearly just an exhibition, clearly just a demand for attention, clearly just a corrupted form of mating behaviour with no obvious purpose.

I hear the excuses, I hear the justifications, “I dress to please myselforI make myself available for sex with random strangers to prove how free I am” or just because I display myself in a manner that leaves absolutely nothing to the imagination, doesn’t make me a sex object

Really? You dress to please yourself? You adorn yourself, paint yourself, primp and preen so that you can gaze upon your reflection and have “yourself” gaze back in admiration?

Really? You have multiple sexual encounters, multiple sexual partners because this proves how free you are?  Free to be what?  Free to do what? Have “yourself” viewed as a mere object of sexual gratification?  Free to couple with near strangers, and then, to take the long walk home alone? (I wonder why I’ve heard it described as “the walk of shame”)

So dressing in a manner that displays and enhances your “sex appeal” that emphasis the very parts of yourself that evinces a sexual response in the male of the species doesn’t make you a sex object? Exhibiting exaggerated mating behaviour does not scream “available for sex”?

Who are you kidding?

Ah, yes of course, yourselves. This is who you all seek to convince, all this mating behaviour, all these exaggerated displays of mating behaviour, are what YOU say they are, what YOU have been fooled into believing.

Let us go back, to the beginning, to the purpose of mating behaviour, to the reason why unconsciously or consciously almost all species engage in mating behaviour, shall we?

To bond, to find a mate, to reproduce.

Human beings are no different, yes indeed Homo Sapiens Sapiens have evolved, have become the premier species on the planet, but still, human beings ARE mammals, are driven at a subliminal level to do what almost all mammals do, to bond, to find a mate and to reproduce.

Yeah? So? I hear you say, what’s the big deal?

Good question, what is the big deal? The big deal my dears is biology. The big deal is that human beings, in particular female human beings are tied to their biology, bound to a timetable, limited to a relatively small window of opportunity. Reproductive opportunity. Tick tock.

Ppppft, you say, we have all this technology, all this amazing science, and I can just avail myself of all this scientific magic and voila – fulfil my reproductive destiny. Snap my beautifully manicured fingers, turn on the “mating behaviour” that served me so well in my twenties and………………………

Yeeeeeeeeees? And what? Have hordes of virile eager mates lining up? Have at your command a mate that will comply, that will bond with you, that is willing to reproduce with you?

Tsk tsk, you silly overindulged hedonistic females, such arrogance, such self regard, such self delusion. You forget my dears, while you do indeed have a biological urge deeply embedded in your psyche to reproduce, so too do the males of this species Homo Sapiens Sapiens.  They also have a need to bond, to mate, to reproduce, and it is with the young, the fertile, the loyal and true. For a man, the woman who bears his children must actually BE bearing HIS children.  She must BE someone he can be sure of, know that she is faithful, she is healthy, she is a person of value, of worth. How does this man know this?

Well, he will look to her previous mating behaviour of course, he will look to her character, he will look upon her and he WILL evaluate HER potential as a mate, as a companion, as a person whom he can trust, he can feel secure with.

So, now, my dears, adorn yourselves, primp and preen, display your wares, indulge yourselves in redundant mating behaviour and waste away your most fertile and short years in mating with all and sundry, then ask yourselves this.

If I was a man, would I MARRY her? Would I bind myself to this shallow creature? Would I allow this slut to bear and raise MY children? Will I, as a man, given the choice between a young fertile and loyal companion, who keeps herself only for me and I for her, and a used up, approaching infertility, selfish hedonistic shrew choose the shrew, the slut, the one who wasted her fertility.

What do YOU think?

Which now leads us on to the rituals, the ceremonies, the external “rules” that human society has enacted to provide a framework within which human beings bond, mate and reproduce. The laws, which human society has developed to manage, to regulate the pair bonding of human beings.

For men, marriage has become a Venus Flytrap, on the surface, alluring, superficially appealing, but beneath, hidden behind the superficial appeal and allure? Designed to entrap and to devour. But who would do such a thing? Who would take this most natural, this most positive, and this most fulfilling of human relationships and corrupt it in such a manner?

Who indeed? Ladies, I invite you once more to gaze upon yourselves in your mirror, to stand and look upon the architects of this corruption. YOU did, you all did, your mothers and in some cases your grandmothers took this socially and culturally positive act of human relationships and dismantled it, remade it into something else. Something corrupt, something dangerous, something that was to only benefit the female of the species.

Yet, once again, in your selfishness, your vanity, your self-indulgence you forgot that men also are free to enter or not into pair bonds, men must voluntarily bind themselves into these “bonds” with females.

Have you looked at the figures ladies? Have you seen the downward spiral of marriage rates, of birth rates?  All over the world, human beings are NOT finding mates, not binding themselves into this most fundamental of human relationships. Is it women who are driving this trend?

Partly, it is women who are delaying having children, and when they do it is one, possibly two.  But it is men who are driving the declining marriage rates, men who are saying NO.

Why else would there now be such a wailing, such a cacophony of voices raised in a chorus of

Where have all the good men gone?” andWhy won’t he marry me

The answer ladies lie in your mirror.  All the good men are engaged in a futile search for a good woman, and he won’t marry YOU because………………………….look in the mirror my dear.

I suggest that you make that shelf as comfortable as possible; you will be there for a long long long time.

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2 Comments (+add yours?)

  1. shmiggen
    Dec 02, 2013 @ 06:20:34

    Oh God that was good. I mean that was a real good read. This will sounds nuts but as I read this along I felt the rhythm of sex. Yes! Yes! Yes!

    I don’t know if you’ve heard this guy – F Roger Devlin – but he wrote an essay in 2008 called “Sexual Utopia in Power”. It’s a masterpiece. His thesis essentially is that women can’t help their behavior. It’s irrational, yes, but they cannot help it. No appeal to modesty or good sense will work. It’s too late.

    Thanks, by the way, for seeing the male point of view.

    Reply

    • Anja Eriud
      Dec 02, 2013 @ 13:58:45

      Hi Shmiggen and welcome.

      Thank you for your kind words, and I am pleased you found something of value in my essay. Up till now I had not heard of F. Roger Devlin but I will now familiarise myself with his work, it certainly sounds interesting,

      I won’t comment on the synopsis you have given till I do so, that would be rather daft, would it not? 🙂

      Reply

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