Form an Orderly Queue Gentlemen!

 

The selection process is about to begin, please have ready to be inspected, the following items:

1. Minimum of three years financial statements, (no hiding assets now boys) 

2. Letters of recommendation from, your mother, your college lecturers, the police, a member of jezebel, every female who has ever met you that states, you have completed and PASSED your training as per the parameters of the human socialisation project known as feminism and are now deemed to be, a “good” (ish) enough man.

3. A sworn and signed waiver relinquishing possession of every asset both present and future, both real and corporeal to whichever superior, celestial being, formerly known as “a female”, deigns to select you as the recipient of her beneficence – i.e. allows you to marry her.

 NB.  Please be advised that there WILL be a physical examination of the breeding stock, sorry, slip of the tongue, I meant, potential candidates, therefore be prepared to “drop ‘em and cough”

 Ok, have I gone completely off the reservation, am I now floating out to sea on an iceberg, madly tapping away at my keyboard? Broadband reception is shit in the Antarctic by the way.

 Nope, but I have been casting an eye over some of the more inane witterings from the feminist camp, to whit, I give you Careering into a Good Husband a post from the blog called the Vagenda, set up by Rhiannon Lucy Cosslett and her bestie  from “Uni” Holly Baxter.

When my friend Holly Baxter and I set up a satirical blog called the Vagenda two years ago, along with a group of our university friends, we never saw ourselves as part of the feminist movement. The blog took a tongue-in-cheek look at women’s magazines, was written in a slangy, easily comprehensible style, and didn’t take itself all that seriously. In ridiculing the way women were portrayed in the media, the entire ethos of the blog could be said to be feminist, but I didn’t really know anything about the modern feminist movement, what it entailed, and where my place in it might be; we just got on with it.  

Indeed, one of the great things about this new wave of female activism is that young women no longer feel they have to subscribe to a whole checklist of rigid ideas before becoming involved; they focus on what’s closest to their hearts, whether that’s Page 3 or everyday sexism or violence against women, and try and do the best they can, just as many women out there in their communities have been doing for generations, some without ever feeling a need to use the term “feminist“.

Being the possessor of an uuuummm “vagenda” myself, I thought I’d put her girlish and fun fun fun blog on my “to do” list – as in, do a quick survey, see if there’s anything worth a second look and then get on with my life.

 Lo and behold, Rhiannon and Holly have outdone themselves, now before you think, “I’ll go click on the link and take a look at this little fun palace” I have to warn you about something.

 It’s pink. I don’t mean a nice delicate shade of rose with subtle shades, IT’S PINK, pepto bismol PINK.  Bubblegum PINK. Ok, you’ve got that?  It’s PINK!

 Anyway, moving on, the post I linked to is a reaction to a couple of other articles, (sigh, bloody feminists, writing responses to responses to other posts from other bloody feminists – I can hear the sound of hens clucking and flapping about as I write)

And yep, I’m a year late to this party, as the articles linked above are from 2012, but never mind, the starting point, for me, was this article from Rhiannon “I’m a half-arsed, accidental feminist – like many other young women” by Rhiannon Lucy Cosslett The Guardian, Monday 25 November 2013.

Aside: I’m actually waiting for one of the “grande dames” of British feminism to build up enough of a head of steam to write a “response” to Rhiannon’s article and slap this uppity, “how dare she have fuuuuuuuuunnn” pseudo feminist down, but good. 🙂

Now, it’s not that Rhiannon and/or Holly are being all bitchy and snarky about these articles, nope, not these gals, but they are being………………………as dumb as a bag of hammers.  It isn’t even that Rhiannon/Holly are in agreement with the articles they are commenting on. Because to be fair, they are not. The problem is that they are missing the point. They are completely and utterly blissfully unaware of a couple of tiny little details.

 The unholy state of matrimony is rapidly losing its appeal FOR MEN! All this talk of marriage, of when and how and under what circumstances women will or won’t “get married” and no-one mentions, no one even hints at the big fat hairy elephant(s) in the room.  Escalating divorce rates and plummeting marriage rates. It’s not all wedding cake and Vera Wang girlies.

 So, they write from a distinctly female possibly “fun feminist” (I know, I’m having a bit of a problem getting my head around it myself) perspective. And this is what exactly? I hear you ask. Though, Rhiannon/Holly have a rather strange notion of relationships! 

Although I personally believe that I won’t marry someone unless I feel like I want to clone them, barricade them in my bedroom for all eternity, and then wear their clone’s skin as a onesie (i.e. the insane-making kind of adoration), I can see the point of also making sure that they’re an all right bloke and they don’t want to raise their future children on a fruitarian diet in the Forest of Dean.

Teaching women and men alike what functional, healthy relationships look like seems like one hell of a good idea. But approaching young girls with the idea that their husbands might hold them back seems a bit like, well, scare-mongering. And it also seems like potentially encouraging a colossal shift in responsibility.”

 I’m glad you asked about this “fun feminist” perspective because you see this is the perspective where the entire universe and all it planets, moons, asteroids and random comets revolves around WOMEN, women’s “choices” women’s “needs” what makes women “happy”, what women “deserve”, are “entitled” to and just, gosh, golly and gadzooks must have. Not that different from “regular” feminism is it? It’s just pinker!

 One of those “must have” items is…………………………….a hubby, and noooooooooooooo, not just any old hubby, not just a “fixer-upper” a bit “rough around the edges” nor even a hubby that “shows potential” nope – apparently, the gals, (and yes there are way too many of these bloody articles to post links to) have, after clucking and twittering, and thinking deeply (if one thinks of a puddle as “deep”) and of giving this “issue” serious thought, (the same kind of thought that went into creating a blog that would make a block of stone vomit that is), have decided.

 Women deserve a certain type of hubby, a high-quality, high earning, endlessly supportive, slavishly devoted to THEM hubby, an ever ready at the slightest hint of a passing whim to comply with said passing whim, hubby.

 The “great minds” of modern, fun and girly, pink and fluffy, feminism have spoken, hence gentlemen, let me draw your attention once more to the opening paragraph. THIS is your future, that is how these lovely ladies are beginning to think and plan and plot, with giggles and fabulous shoes on, with coy looks and gosh, a jolly good old finger wagging in your direction.

 

Yikes, my iceberg is melting! 🙂

 

© Anja Eriud 2013

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2 Comments (+add yours?)

  1. Grumpy Old Man
    Dec 03, 2013 @ 19:09:04

    Funny how these young ladies view the world through what others bring and not what they bring. I have a little tidbit of advice for them.

    Before I start let me preface this with I’m not all that. I have a whole fist full of old girlfriends dating back from 1976 when I was a freshman in high school. Back then I was young impetuous and all rough and tumble boy, the girls would come along, stay for awhile then generally move on to greener pastures. I really can’t say it was their entire fault because I had a spirit in the tune of a wild horse discovering the fields. I’m not talking about butterflying from one girl to the next or partying, I was not much for that, but having too many things to explore and too many places to go. I generally had mild deference to the girls I dated.

    At 27 I was divorced and pretty established in my career and enjoying the single life discovering allot of women out there at my age seemed to have a few too many hang-ups or maybe it was just me. It seemed like my ex wife they had allot of expectations and felt like a lot of pressure. Basically the feeling I could never measure up.

    Then one day this woman walked into my life, it did not start out too well I met her at a bar which was one of the few occasions I even went to one. One of my high school sweetheart’s uncle recently died and she came to the town I lived for his funeral. My roommate decided to get out of the house to cheer her up.

    With this short background my wife and I met at this bar through mutual friends and danced. Over the following couple weeks I ignored calls until one day she left a message saying pick up the damn phone or return my calls. My roommate looked at me sheepishly and said it looks like you better call her.

    To make a long story short that was the first and only time she demanded anything from me. We married three months later and never looked back in 25 years. Our marriage had some ups and downs but her character shined through, Respect, self evaluation and letting me be the man I wanted to be.

    She supported my military career, never balked at years of deployments, respected me as a father and helped me with my concerns in life. Not too long ago I asked her what she saw in me that would lead her to marry me after 90 days. Before I give her answer let me share our wedding day.

    I had called her on a Friday and requested she pack her bags for a weekend trip. I did not tell her where we were going I simply said we are going on an overnight road trip. We loaded the car and headed east from the bay area. Around Sacramento she finally asked where we’re going and I responded Reno to get married or gamble or both. It took her a bit until she responded and said OK. OK what? We are going to Reno to get married and gamble. No drama, no questions she just followed my lead.

    Today we are more in love than I could have ever imagined, we have two of the coolest boys anyone could ask for. With her support I achieved the highest level possible in my military career and in my retirement we spend our time together and cherish our conversations and every moment. No regrets.

    So what did she say when I asked her why she married me…”I saw potential”.

    My advice to these women is to worry more about what they bring to the table. Men mature and grow with age, they are not perfect and neither are you. Look for potential, not what you think you can make them do or be, but what they can be on their own. This pre ordained idea of what you think life is about and what men should be is only about you and has nothing to do with reality or the greater possibilities in life, possibilities that only come with respect and commitment and understanding and the love of men for the humans they are.

    Funny how those old girlfriends who did not see my potential as a young man faun over our friendship now.

    Reply

  2. wtfwtf13
    Dec 05, 2013 @ 11:18:44

    Congratulations ! GOM your happiness is contagious. Alas ! people like you are not the role models for the young ‘uns today.
    The biggest culprit responsible for the alarming deterioration of the relationship between the sexes is RECREATIONAL SEX.
    Ever since people started seeing it as some kind of a happiness drug{a harmless(?)high!} or an Olympic event{the more you practice the better you get,supposedly !} it has been a downward slide.[ ‘Getting laid’ has become some kind of a great achievement in and of itself !]
    The stupidity of equating feral behaviour with ‘liberation’ cannot but have adverse consequences in a modern civilization.
    The secret to your successful marriage was that the attitudes from both the sides were conducive to a long relationship.
    The main problem nowadays is that people have been brainwashed/indoctrinated into believing that being married to the same person is impossible and they make bogus references to ‘prove’ their point !
    Long lasting,unconditional,genuine affection like that slow burning fire in your fire place is far superior and more useful than the hormonal kick of romantic love.
    LOL! I know that you don’t have to be told this !

    Reply

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