Toxic Mothers.

 

Mike Buchanan over at J4MB posted a link to this article in the Daily Mail online, the headline is an attention grabber.

 Mums who cut fathers out after separation: One in three say Dad should not have say in their child’s upbringing

” Study found 32% mothers feel they can better handle problems alone.  Comes as deepening concern millions of children don’t have male role model.  85% of fathers would prefer to make decisions as a unit, research finds

 “One in three separated mothers think their children’s fathers should have no say in their upbringing, according to a report yesterday.

It found that 32 per cent of separated mothers thought that they alone had the right to make decisions about their children’s future.

 The high proportion found by a survey implies that more than one in 10 of all the families in the country include mothers who do not want the fathers of their children to have a say over the future of their children.”

The original YouGov survey that RELATE based theirs on is here.

What is revealing though are the comments, and for this article there were, at the last count when I checked, 124 comments. The ensuing discussion about the results of this survey generated some interesting comments, on two levels.

First, the overwhelming support for equal parenting, from both male and female posters, or at least as far as I can tell with regard to sex – and secondly, the distinct lack of support for that deeply held entrenched belief that women own their children, and that fathers should be relegated to visitors, or barely tolerated back-up babysitters to the primary parent – the mother.

There were a few dyed in the wool “mother knows best” types and a few who trotted out the lame – “but of course fathers should have an equal say except in the case of abuse or violence”

Let’s just knock that one on the head straight away – it is overwhelmingly MOTHERS who abuse their children, neglect their children, and in the context of relationships, violence is a two way street.

If we are going to have “conditions” then those conditions apply EQUALLY to mothers and fathers, with absolutely no assumption that mothers are the “primary care givers”

Further, if there are issues of violence in parental relationships then it is the perpetrator – male or female who gets the sanctions and the OTHER parent who “gets the kids” as in the recent judgement by Mrs Justice Parker ruled – the FATHER was awarded primary custody of the children and the violent abusive mother got supervised access.

 Having said that, concepts of custody and access or contact have no legitimate place in the realm of parenting, the idea that one parent allows the other parent to BE a parent is vile, it is mendacious and it needs to GO.

The same with this concept of child support – where one parent pays the other parent – if we are talking about two adults, then they are responsible for supporting themselves in their own separate homes, if that is what they want.  Child specific expenses are also a separate issue – and depend on what works out best for the parties involved and the child expenses should be borne equally by both parents.

In the case of a family home – by agreement – if whoever wants to live in it then YOU pay the mortgage – if you can’t afford it then you sell it, pay off the mortgage and divide any excess equally between you.

Alternatively, if selling is not an option then, try this on for size.

One of the things I think might work is that in order to prevent children from being moved around, that the children remain in the house, their family home, and the parents take turns staying with them, in the family home – you rent a small place, or whatever you can afford between you, for when it is the others parents turn with the children.

Now, before all you delicate fragile women get your knickers in a knot – why not? So what if it’s “inconvenient” for YOU – this is about what is best for your mutual children – not YOU.

You’re ADULTS – work it out!

How about this?

Monday to Wednesday  – Mother stays in house with children.

Thursday to Saturday – Father stays in house with children.

Sunday – family day – grit your bloody teeth – paste a smile on your face – this is about what is best FOR YOUR CHILDREN.

Oh and by the way – as the primary reason for this arrangement is for YOUR children – you DON’T GET TO MOVE YOUR LATEST BOYFRIEND or girlfriend in – that’s what your one bed flat is for – grown up time.

Anyhoo – on to the comments on this article, lets start with the top rated ones. The first is this one.

Catherine, Edinburgh, 9 hours ago

I presume that this 30% of mothers will on principle refuse maintenance from their ex husbands too?

807 positive – 61 negative”

This was the highest rated comment and it looks like it was by a female person – a woman – I like Catherine’s style, it’s short, sweet and to the point and it got 807 positives to 61 negatives, I believe we can rightly describe that as an overwhelming amount of support?

Now Catherine got a few replies, the first one, also by a female, missed the point by a country mile and got a majority of negative responses, because SilverLady here assumes that mothers are the “primary” parents – bit of a fail there SilverLady.

SilverLady, SilverCity, 7 hours ago

Financial contribution to one’s child’s upbringing is an obligation to the child, not to the mother!

82 negative – 51 positive”

The next reply to Catherine’s comment was this one.

of course, theothersideofnowhere, Australia, 6 hours ago

no but if the father refuses to contribute how about he doesn’t get a say in how the children get brought up (NOT that he doesn’t get to see them, that’s not relevant to whether he contributes financially or not) but if he’s not supporting them financially why should he get a say in the decisions on how the money is spent? its a lose lose situation unfortunately

14 negative – 43 positive

This is a bit confused and hard to really get what this commentator is saying – he/she seems to be making the point that financial contributions to child upkeep should have nothing to do with whether a father “gets to see” his children or not and if he isn’t then, the rest of the comment is rather incomprehensible?

But the point is valid with regard to tying payment with being allowed to see your own children!

The highest negatively rated comments were equally interesting, though this first one I find personally less of a problem than some of the more outright – “women own their children” ones. Here it is.

Just call me queen., Over the hill and far away, Monaco, 7 hours ago

I’m in a tricky situation at the moment. I have a toddler son with a man who lives thousands of miles away from me. He loves us very much, but I’m not sure about my feelings anymore for him. I love him , but no longer romantically. I want to make sure that my son and his father remain in close contact ,but does that mean sacrificing my own happiness? I am sure that separation would mean hotels costs. He would be happy to pay for plane tickets still, but could not afford the added hotel costs, and neither can I . So I’m stuck right now 😦

38 negative – 7 positive”

What I see here is innate selfishness and more than a touch of self absorption – “but does that mean sacrificing my own happiness?” Duh!  Well yes it does – you waived your right to put YOUR “needs” first when you had that child – my impulse is to say to silly twat – grow up!

This next wretch literally screams Parental Alienation.

Martha, Allotment, United Kingdom, 6 hours ago

Children aren’t stupid, our young teenage son often tells his dad what we do is no concern of his anymore. More grown up then his dad.

32 negative – 21 positive”

As does this one – because we all know what women do to “gain custody”

janet c, London, 6 hours ago

the decisions should be made by whichever parent gains custody as they have to manage the child’s upbringing.

31 negative – 14 positive”

Even in this brief comment you can see exactly the way this wretch thinks – MY children, I will WIN, this is battle for possession.

One the things that emerges from the article is that RELATE seem surprised at the percentage of women who outright admitted that in a nutshell – the fathers of their children were unnecessary – for their children.

“Chief Executive Ruth Sutherland said: ‘The one thing everyone can be sure of is that it’s the wellbeing of children which is of paramount importance here – so finding ways to work together as parents in the best interests of our children is vital.’”

Ah yes, let’s just all sit down and have a nice cup of tea and chat about what to do about this “silly old separation business”!

What planet have these people been living on for the last 60 years? Seriously?

They’re are in the “relationship” business and THIS is a bit of a surprise to them? Toxic, vicious alienating mothers?  Fathers being excised from the lives of their children? Or do only nice people go to RELATE to separate in a nice civilised manner?

What is clear from the comments is that rising from the general public – if Daily Mail commentators can BE called the general public – is a backlash against  these toxic, vicious alienating mothers and their era is finally, hopefully starting to draw to a close.

Will they give up without a fight? Doubt it.  There will always be bitches and wretches, there will always be gyncentrism embedded in some women, but the Men’s Human Rights Movement exists to dismantle every last legal, social and political support that gives these women permission to vent their gynocentrism without sanction.

We cannot of course forget about the feminists, but feminism is now such a toxic brand in its own right – that every time one of these twats opens her, and in some cases his mouth – it is usually just to change feet.

Long may that continue.

 

 

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2 Comments (+add yours?)

  1. wtfwtf13
    Jan 09, 2014 @ 08:09:05

    The Message

    From here and there, everywhere,
    The message is the same,
    Men and boys are merely there,
    To provide some scheming dame
    Unconditional love and care,
    In an unfair,unscrupulous game
    That will probably reduce you to despair,
    While callous society is busy heaping shame

    Reply

    • Anja Eriud
      Jan 09, 2014 @ 12:27:20

      This is so pithy, and so true – I especially love the phrase “callous society” because that IS what we live in – a deeply “callous society”.

      Anja

      Reply

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