Domestic Violence: Myth – v – Truth.


The issue of domestic violence in Ireland as in every Western state is not just assumed to be, but universally accepted as violence against women – no questions asked.

Well, I have questions, and I have some answers, answers that will not please those who profit from perpetuating the myths of what domestic is, who perpetrates it. Why the reason the truth about it is carefully hidden, deliberately misrepresented and more importantly, why those who profit from it will lie, dissemble, manufacture false data and statistics and engage in vicious smear campaigns against those who seek to tell the truth about domestic violence.

As with all things to do with so called “women’s issues” the ultimate question has to be – who are not just the keepers of the myths, but the authors of the myths?


The reason why these myths persist is relatively simple – over the last 60 or so years feminism has insinuated itself into positions of authority and power – positions where feminism controls the narrative, controls the discourse, controls policy and controls funding – or rather – exerts enormous pressure on those who decide where and what gets funding.

In Ireland, it is no different than any Western state – though two things must be said – when the first refuges for women were opened, there was a genuine desire to provide safe havens for those women who were suffering from violence and abuse at the hands of their male partners – but that is only half the story.

The other half is that men have suffered and are suffering from violence and abuse at the hands of female partners – they always have, and continue to do so – but this half of the story has always been hidden, always been overlooked, men have been ever told. and came to believe it themselves – it’s not that bad – take it like a man – she’s half your size, what harm could SHE do to you?

Perhaps the most egregious myth peddled to men is this one – It doesn’t matter. Well, it DOES matter, it IS important, it can and does happen, and it IS that bad.

Domestic violence ISN’T a “woman’s issue”, domestic violence ISN’T “violence against women” domestic violence ISNT an expression of patriarchy, of male oppression of women.

Domestic Violence are acts of violence, abuse and aggression perpetrated by one human being against another within the four walls of the one place where you should be safe, should be secure, should be able to live without fear – YOUR HOME.

Gender is irrelevant, size is irrelevant, what is relevant is that violent people, and these comprise a small proportion of the general population come in two shapes – female and male.

This is the truth about domestic violence.

At least half if not more of all relationships where violence is a factor it is RECIPROCAL – both parties are violent towards one another.

Where the violence is unidirectional – both females and males initiate that violence in almost equal percentages, in some instances it is FEMALES who initiate the violence in greater numbers  It is as true in Ireland, as it is anywhere else in the world, yet here in Ireland something else is equally true.

Almost ALL the resources, services and supports for victims of domestic violence are directed at only half of the ACTUAL victims – women – male victims are ignored, are ridiculed, are deprived of help and are lied about. By feminists.

Violent PEOPLE are violent for all sorts of reasons, the least relevant factor is whether they are female or male – the most relevant factor is that a violent person is JUST AS LIKELY, if not more likely to be female as to be male.

THESE ARE FACTS – not myths, not carefully constructed lies built on false data, manufactured and corrupted statistics, on deliberately distorted studies and research – FACTS. The terminology used in this research is IPV – Intimate Partner Abuse.

Facts and Statistics on Prevalence of Partner Abuse


  • Overall, 24% of individuals assaulted by a partner at least once in their lifetime (23% for females and 19.3% for males)
  • Higher overall rates among dating students
  • Higher victimization for male than female high school students
  • Lifetime rates higher among women than men
  • Past year rates somewhat higher among men
  • Higher rates of intimate partner violence (IPV) among younger, dating populations “highlights the need for school-based IPV prevention and intervention efforts”


  • Overall, 25.3% of individuals have perpetrated IPV
  • Rates of female-perpetrated violence higher than male-perpetrated (28.3% vs. 21.6%)
  • Wide range in perpetration rates: 1.0% to 61.6% for males; 2.4% to 68.9% for women,
  • Range of findings due to variety of samples and operational definitions of PV

Emotional Abuse and Control

  • 80% of individuals have perpetrated emotional abuse
  • Emotional abuse categorized as either expressive (in response to a provocation) or coercive (intended to monitor, control and/or threaten)
  • Across studies, 40% of women and 32% of men reported expressive abuse; 41% of women and 43% of men reported coercive abuse
  • According to national samples, 0.2% of men and 4.5% of women have been forced to have sexual intercourse by a partner
  • 4.1% to 8% of women and 0.5% to 2% of men report at least one incident of stalking during their lifetime
  • Intimate stalkers comprise somewhere between one-third and one half of all stalkers.
  • Within studies of stalking and obsessive behaviors, gender differences are much less when all types of obsessive pursuit behaviors are considered, but more skewed toward female victims when the focus is on physical stalking

Of the many myths around female violence the most persistent one is that it is “charming” or “funny” or “cute”. There is nothing charming or cute or funny about a female who slaps, punches, kicks, scratches or assaults a male with knives, tools or frying pans – there is nothing forgivable about a female who hurls vindictive spiteful and psychologically damaging abuse at a male, nor is it “not a big deal” when a female holds a male hostage by depriving him of access to his own money, his own thoughts, freedom to come and go as he likes, a key to his own front door.

IT IS JUST AS UNACCEPTABLE – when a female does it, as when a man does it – it is DOMESTIC VIOLENCE.

Facts and Statistics on Context

Bi-directional vs. Uni-directional

  • Among large population samples, 57.9% of IPV reported was bi-directional, 42% unidirectional; 13.8% of the unidirectional violence was male to female (MFPV), 28.3% was female to male (FMPV)
  • Among school and college samples, percentage of bidirectional violence was 51.9%; 16.2% was MFPV and 31.9% was FMPV
  • Among respondents reporting IPV in legal or female-oriented clinical/treatment seeking samples not associated with the military, 72.3% was bi-directional; 13.3% was MFPV, 14.4% was FMPV
  • Within military and male treatment samples, only 39% of IPV was bi-directional; 43.4% was MFPV and 17.3% FMPV

If you are a female who has done any of the above things – I repeat – you are NOT funny, NOT cute, NOT charming – he didn’t “ask for it” you “don’t have the right, what you are is:

A vicious, violent abusive bitch, a miserable excuse for a human being, a snivelling nasty coward who should be in jail.

Partner Abuse Worldwide (sample of findings – my note)

  • A total of 162 articles reporting on over 200 studies met the inclusion criteria and were summarized in the online tables for Asia, the Middle East, Africa, Latin America and the Caribbean, and Europe and the Caucasus.
  • A total of 40 articles (73 studies) in 49 countries contained data on both male and female IPV, with a total of 117 direct comparisons across gender for physical PV.
  • Rates of physical PV were higher for female perpetration /male victimization compared to male perpetration/female victimization, or were the same, in 73 of those comparisons, or 62%.
  • There were 54 comparisons made for psychological abuse including controlling behaviors and dominance, with higher rates found for female perpetration /male victimization, in 36 comparisons (67%).
  • Of the 19 direct comparisons made for sexual PV, rates were found to be higher for female perpetration /male victimization in 7comparisons (37%).
  • When only adult samples from large population and community surveys were considered, the overall percentage of partner abuse that was higher for female perpetration /male victimization compared to male perpetration/female victimization, or were the same, was found to be 44% for adult IPV, although in many comparisons, the differences were slight.


There IS no excuse, no reason, no explanation that is in any way ACCEPTABLE – at all.


© Anja Eriud 2014


11 Comments (+add yours?)

  1. independentshock
    Feb 04, 2014 @ 01:19:04

    Great post, Anja! I have two comments to make. First, it always amuses me how feminists insists that women are people (I mean who would argue with it to begin with) and forget that people are capable of lying, killing, being violent, raping and so on. Irony is that believing that women do not do any of the above means that, well, women are lesser then people. Why lesser (is it a word)? Because only most developed primates and human can have something that can be called wars. Lying is a very sophisticated brain process with only advanced species doing it (dogs lie, frogs don’t) and so on. Aggression (same species violence) is more or less universal instinct and to assume that women do not have is to compare them with vegetables at most.

    Second, a bit tangential but still, one can sincerely think that domestic violence is men on women because men are bigger. That only men can rape is women is because only men have penis (and walking dildos with two cells instead of the brain). But why on the Earth you’d think that harassing comments on the Internet is men on women. And they do. In the US they had a radio show recently about difficulty of being a woman online (I don’t how I lived these ten minutes without harassing some woman online). One of the expert’s was the Jezbel’s founder (facepalm). One caller (a woman) called to say that it’s not a gender thing and tried to tell her story about online harassment she experienced from another woman, nope, irrelevant, got dismissed. Why on Earth would you say “I need FEMINISM because men can still RAPE even without laying a hand on a woman”. I mean if man can rape without laying a hand on a woman then surely woman can do the same. Assuming they are people, of course.


  2. Phill Ferreira
    Feb 04, 2014 @ 05:10:06

    Reblogged this on The Story of my Twin Boys and commented:
    A great read on domestic violence….


  3. Phill Ferreira
    Feb 04, 2014 @ 05:14:50

    Hi Anja,

    Great article , as I have lived this for 5 years and was made out by Lancaster police to be the perpetrator with No investigation or fact , Cafcass and Lancaster County Court says if the wife said so this is fact , no questions no investigation as this ensures the wife will get legal aid in the UK ,

    It would be very interesting to see since the new legal aid laws came in in April what the % increase has been in these claims in family breakdown cases.

    Take Care



  4. AdVader
    Feb 04, 2014 @ 10:50:47

    and what about mothermafia&gov’t-violence? about destroying normal families, about destroying children&fathers, hurting harming&damaging them lifelong in their being? what about emotional-mental-psychological- sexual abuse by unwived fembot mothers?


  5. mountainmax
    Feb 04, 2014 @ 18:37:43

    Great to see more and more articles trying to bring the reality of human conduct into mainstream thinking. i find it sad that even in my close family I have a brother who despite knowing i have campaigned for years on the issue of female violence being ignored, has to date refused to speak about the years of abuse towards him and the kids in his marriage. My latest blog on NZ situation. .


    • Anja Eriud
      Feb 04, 2014 @ 22:01:48

      Hello and welcome mountainmax

      That’s it, isnt it? To debunk the myths, to change the narrative, to make people understand that violence IS violence no matter who perpetrates it – that it is as unacceptable in females as it is in males.

      Thank you for your comment mountainmax



  6. Wayne Burrows
    Feb 04, 2014 @ 21:52:39

    Great article. It is incomprehensible why the mainstream cannot and does not achieve anything like this amount of balance.

    There appear to be some issues with your statistics. For example:

    “Overall, 24% of individuals assaulted by a partner at least once in their lifetime (23% for females and 19.3% for males)”

    If the rate for women is 23% and the rate for men is 19% then the overall rate is necessarily between 19% and 23% so can’t be 24% unless there is some third group of non females and non males with a (much) higher rate.


    • Anja Eriud
      Feb 04, 2014 @ 22:06:03

      Hello and welcome Wayne

      Thank you for your kind words. I will check the PASK study, I took quite sizable chunks from the research as I hate it when feminists take quotes out of context and don’t want to be doing the same.

      Perhaps I missed a pertinent piece that explains this anomaly, will check and get right back to you on this.



    • Anja Eriud
      Feb 04, 2014 @ 22:58:17

      Ok – the quote I used is from the summary on the overall findings of the PASK (Partner Abuse State of Knowledge research project at:

      The original research paper is here:

      Prevalence of Physical Violence in Intimate Relationships, Part 1: Rates of Male and Female Victimization. Partner Abuse, Volume 3, Number 2, 2012.


      Sarah L. Desmarais, PhD, University of South Florida
      Kim A. Reeves, MA, Simon Fraser University
      Tonia L. Nicholls, PhD, Simon Fraser University, British Columbia Mental Health & Addiction Services, University of British Columbia
      Robin P. Telford, MA, University of South Florida
      Martin S. Fiebert, PhD, California State University Long Beach

      How they arrived at the figure of 24%?


      We conducted a review of 249 studies published in the last 10 years to summarize the current state of knowledge regarding the prevalence of physical IPV victimization in heterosexual relationships. In doing so, we sought to estimate prevalence across studies and to explore study and sample characteristics that affect reported rates of physical IPV victimization. To our knowledge, this is the most comprehensive review of this subject to date.

      The main results of this review demonstrate that physical IPV victimization is prominent among men and women in heterosexual relationships. Across studies, approximately one in four women (23.1%) and one in five men (19.3%) experienced physical violence in an intimate relationship, with an overall prevalence estimate of 22.4%. However, for both men and women, prevalence rates ranged widely.”

      Page 158

      What the paper does also say at page 141

      “Unweighted, pooled prevalence estimates were calculated for female and male victimization overall and by sample type, country, measurement time frame, and measurement approach. Across studies, approximately 1 in 4 women (23.1%) and 1 in 5 men (19.3%) experienced physical violence in an intimate relationship, with an overall pooled prevalence estimate of 22.4%. Analyses revealed considerable variability in rates as a function of methodological issues, indicating the need for standardized measurement of IPV.”

      While it is entirely possible this is a small typo, there may be another explanation. What I will do though is review the entire paper more thoroughly and if it is indeed a small typo I will email the site at to enquire.

      Well spotted.



  7. Ian Young
    Feb 05, 2014 @ 16:21:53

    Great to find and read this post. I am a male victim/survivor of Domestic Violence and I have been campaigning and trying to raise awareness about these very issues. Thank you Anja.


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