Edge Of The Cliff

 

For those who have contemplated taking their own lives, they will recognise that feeling – of standing on the edge of a cliff – with nothing but darkness behind you, and darkness all around you, and darkness in front of you – one more step – into that darkness and you hope the pain stops.

I know that feeling – five maybe six weeks ago I was standing on the edge of that cliff – it wasn’t the first time and probably won’t be the last – right now I have stepped back – slightly – from the edge of that cliff – but I can still see it from where I stand – metaphorically speaking – it beckons.

Many people who have never experienced this find it hard to understand, they will say things like “you have so much to live for” or “this is not the answer” when in fact, your reality tells you that what you have to live for isn’t enough to make the pain stop, and for you the choice is to either live with the pain or do the only thing you believe will make that pain stop.

You are in the world but not part of the world, breathing is a burden, being awake or being asleep doesn’t change anything – you wish you would just stop breathing, that you would fall asleep and never wake up. All around you the rest of world feels like you are viewing it through dark glass, you feel hollow inside – not just emotionally but physically.

Your emotions don’t feel like they belong to you, yes you still feel anger, even sometimes a form of “normal” someone says something funny and you laugh – but – none of them really feel like part of you – you watch yourself from the outside – playing “normal” or whatever is “normal” for you – it isn’t an act – more like the actions of a person playing the role of the person you used to be.

And all around you the darkness gathers – the edge of the cliff gets closer ond closer, you move towards it and it moves towards you.

Every person who stands on the edge of that cliff does so for different reasons, and each person’s reasons make sense only to them – it all depends on what it is you value – what it is you hold dear – and no two people value or hold dear the same things, in the same way or with the same intensity – but there is one thing that all people who stand on the edge of that cliff have in common – they don’t value or hold dear themselves.

They believe that it is them, they are the problem, their mere existence is what causes and creates “problems” for others – and inevitably – it is the actions and behaviours of those “others” that reinforces that belief.

But when I say “others” I don’t just mean random strangers who take umbrage with you – or persons unknown to you who try to strip away and dismantle that shield, that barrier that, emotional and psychological roadblock that stands between you and the edge of the cliff.

As human beings, we invest only certain people with that power, we give only certain people that power, we make ourselves vulnerable to only certain people, we hand only them the weapons they need to dismantle that roadblock. We do this gladly because we believe they will never use them. Against us.

In my case, it was my children, and for many men, it is also their children, all psychological and emotional barriers come down, you make yourself vulnerable, and you do it gladly, for your children.

When your children are born, a connection is made that defies description, a bond is created that exists on more than just an emotional plane – it transcends all that – it is comprised of a substance that if severed actually feels like your connection to life itself has been severed. This is not a female or male bond – it is a human bond.

My children launched a campaign against me about five or six weeks ago – a vicious hate campaign – along with their father and his girlfriend and to the best of my knowledge a number of other “anonymous” persons – I have been alienated from them for about six years – and yes I know it is unusual for a mother to be alienated from her children, it is almost always fathers who find themselves cast into that outer darkness, vilified and literally cast into the role of the “sum of all evil” every bad thing that has ever happened in the world is laid at your door – every cross word, mistake and flaw is magnified out of all proportion – till even you start to see yourself as that monster they have created.

What I do also know that as soon as I have posted this they will start again – they will sneer, they will up the ante – they will snigger and they will call me a liar, in fact all sorts of names – that or they will post comments and send me emails urging me to “just do it” “we will dance on your grave” they will demand proof – and the only “proof” that would satisfy them would be my death. Should I continue to live they will cite that as proof that I “was just looking for attention”

But, it is when you finally lose hope – as I did – that you become empty, hollow, when the darkness envelopes you – and when you find yourself standing on the edge of that cliff – because you see – you realise – it is your existence – the fact that you are breathing, that you are here – that is causing those who you love the most to be consumed with hatred for you – you can feel it – it actually feels like you are choking on it.

Many men find themselves in that position – not seeing your children is one thing – having those who have been instrumental in creating this is another thing – but having those children – embrace and then hurl back at you the hatred, the venom, the anger and the vileness that is Parental Alienation is when you know – when you know that – there is nothing more to live for.

That’s why you stand on the edge of that cliff – because this is a hatred that you cannot brush off, cannot shrug at, cannot ignore or live with – this is a hatred that reaches into your very soul and rips you apart – tears down that barrier as if it was tissue paper – this is a hatred that finds you standing on the edge of that cliff – because there is no other place left for you to go.

I am still here because of two people – they literally saved my life – or – have allowed me to step back from that cliff edge – yes I can still see it – yes it is still there – just over the horizon – is the pain gone? No – pain like that doesn’t just go away – its sleeps – it curls up inside you – and every now and then it stretches and unfolds its claws – every now and then it expands and envelopes you – you start learning to share your life with it – you accommodate it – you make room for it – and you hope and pray that you and it can co-exist. Because you have no choice – because you see – that kind of pain holds all the cards.

You don’t control it – its controls you – it lies in wait – and strikes when the mood takes it – there are people who understand this, who know that right now, you simply do not have the emotional or psychological tools to excise this pain – to rebuild that barrier – to step far enough away so that it becomes unimportant – until it is so far away and you have rebuilt a strong enough barrier so that it would take a lot (you hope) to tear it down again.

They understand your reality, and accept it – they don’t try to impose their reality on to you and expect you to embrace it – they teach you to live within your reality. Because as human beings that is all we can ever do – live within our own realities and learn slowly and gradually to accommodate all aspects of that reality, including learning to live with a part of yourself missing and with the pain that this brings.

You don’t heal – you start learning to live with wounds.

I wrote an article excoriating MHRI (Men’s Human Rights Ireland) and calling bullshit on their cynical Save Our Sons, and dissemination of a completely false picture of suicide and suicide prevention services in Ireland (which I will publish later) campaign because – suicide is not a game – it is not a PR opportunity – it isn’t a political or rhetorical weapon to beat feminists over the head with – the fact that a human being has taken their own life successfully is not a matter of numbers, of statistics – of comparisons.

The issue isn’t numbers, the issue is REASONS. Suicide is not an agenda – it is a human tragedy. Human life is and can be fragile – we have all at some time or another stood either at the edge of that cliff or close to it – suicide prevention is more than just a skill one can learn, it requires a level of dedication and humanity that very few possess or have a gift for – those people who do are – worthy of our thanks, and our acknowledgment – which they rarely if ever ask for or expect. They do their work quietly, without fanfare, they do it without a thought for themselves – they do it because they must do it.

The issue is that a human being was in such despair, such pain and anguish that for that human being the only escape was in death – THAT is the issue – does it really matter if that human being is male or female – or are we now in the business of applying different standards of value to human beings, within the MHRM – only this time the other way round – more men take their lives than women – more boys than girls – does THAT really matter when one way or another – a human being lies dead at his/her own hand? We address the REASONS – we address the causes – and pay due respect – give due credit to all those selfless and dedicated people who wait on the end of a phone line – to try a save a human life. Any life.

The reality of people standing on the edge of that cliff – with only one more step to go – is quite another thing – and is an issue of their reality – of the life they are forced to live – of the limitations imposed upon them by external forces, by the actions or inactions of others – by the creation of a reality that is made up of many factors – by the deliberate and focused enveloping of a darkness of the soul – and for many many men and boys it is mostly women who create and concoct and manufacture that darkness.

But, in spite of the greater numbers of men and boys who find themselves in that darkness – standing on the edge of a cliff – women and girls too find themselves there – what matters is NOT that the person standing in the darkness, on the edge of that cliff is male or female – not at that point – what matters is that a human being is standing there – a human being that see’s and feels nothing but pain – nothing but darkness.

That darkness is made up of hatred, of vitriol, of revenge, of a desire to inflict pain, of lies, of distortions and of malice – and it is endorsed, encouraged and applauded by those who refuse to acknowledge its existence, who refuse to open their eyes and see – because no-one wants to believe that human beings would do that to one another. What propels a human being on that journey to the edge of that cliff is where we must focus our attention – is what we must address – and it is invariably the actions or inactions of other human beings that fuel this journey. Do the numbers matter? Not really. The REASONS matter.

But no-one wants their illusions shattered, their false perceptions corrected, their comfortable lies and myths exposed – to do so would mean acknowledging their complicity – recognising the part they have played – sometimes unconsciously, carelessly, human beings do not want to accept that they have within themselves the capacity to inflict such pain, such grief, such soul destroying injury on another human being – because that would mean they would have to look at a part of themselves that is dark, is malign, is vicious, is hateful.

You don’t heal – you learn to live with wounds – wounds that have been inflicted by those who you believed were incapable of such things – that is why you stand on the edge of that cliff.

I know this is just one set of circumstances that can propel a person to stand on the edge of that cliff – there are others – many others – but the motivating factor is loss – loss of something precious to you – of something you value – of something that gives your life meaning.

The choice facing those who stand there – looking into that darkness isn’t whether you will or you won’t take your own life – the choice is – can you or can you not live with the pain of what you have lost

Can you share that life with that pain – is there enough for you to hang onto to – will you be able to wake up the next day, and the next day, and the next day – knowing that the pain, the loss is waiting for you – will be your constant companion?

It isn’t about wanting to die – it is about being afraid to live.

 

To those who are now or are edging closer to the edge of that cliff – please – I beg you – pause – just for a moment and make one last call – take out your mobile phone – and just make one last call. It will only take a minute.

I know it doesn’t matter to you – I know you can’t see the point – and I know you think it’s a waste of time – but there are some people who want you to waste their time – who have nothing else to do right now except wait for you to call.

That’s all they do – wait for you to call – one last call – what can it matter – you can always hang up – but just make that one last call – please. A few more minutes is all it will take.

Put these numbers into your phone now – even if you know you will never phone them – just put them in – even just one into your phone now. Don’t leave without saying goodbye to just one person, without hearing for the last time the voice of another human being.

Samaritans116 123

http://www.samaritans.org/your-community/samaritans-work-ireland

1Life 1 800 24 7 100

http://www.1life.ie/index.html

TextHELP – 51 444

Console1 800 247 247

http://www.console.ie/

 

If you believe that you are nearing closer to the edge of that cliff then, contact;

 

SOSAD (Save Our Sons and Daughters)

http://www.sosadireland.ie/locations.php

Office Locations

Carrickmacross

6A Parnell Street, Carrickmacross, Co Monaghan

24 hour emergency: 042-9668992, 086-0459168 Email: carrick@sosadireland.ie

 

Cavan

3 Tower Hamlets (beside Garda station) Farnham Street, Cavan, Co. Cavan
24 hour emergency: 049 4326339, 0834339090 Email: cavan@sosadireland.ie

 Drogheda

30 Magdalene St, Drogheda, Co. Louth
24 hour emergency: 041 9848754 Email: info@sosadireland.ie

 Dundalk

31 Williamson’s place, Dundalk, Co. Louth
24 hour emergency: 042 9327311, 083 4244182 Email: dundalk@sosadireland.ie

 Navan

4 O’Growney Tce, Navan, Co. Meath
24 hour emergency: 046 9031855, 083 3712622 Email: navan@sosadireland.ie

 Tullamore

Bow House, O Moore St, Tullamore, Co. Offaly
24 hour emergency: 057 9346704, 083 1711238 Email: tullamore@sosadireland.ie

 

Or: Find your nearest Pieta House:

http://www.pieta.ie/index.php/contact-us

Pieta House Ballyfermot

Mount La Salle Ballyfermot Road Dublin 10 Phone: 01-6200020 Centre Manager: Noeleen Devlin

Opening Hours: Monday to Friday: 10am to 8pm Saturday: 10am to 3pm

 

Pieta House Cork

Highfield Lawn, Model Farm Road Bishopstown Cork Phone: 021-4341400 Centre Manager: Sylvia O’Driscoll Wong

Opening Hours: Monday, Tuesday, Thursday & Friday: 9am to 5pm Wednesday: 9am to 8pm Saturday: 10am to 2pm

 

Pieta House Finglas

47 Mellowes Court Finglas Dublin 11 Phone: 01-8648899 Centre Manager: Linda Murray

Opening Hours: Monday: 5.30pm to 9.30pm Tuesday: 10am to 2pm Wednesday: 2pm to 6pm Thursday: 9am to 2pm Saturday: 10am to 2pm

 

Pieta House Kerry

Crageens Castleisland County Kerry Phone: 066-7163660 Centre Manager: To be confirmed

Opening Hours: Monday to Friday: 9am to 5pm

 

Pieta House Lucan

Lucan Road Lucan Dublin Phone: 01-6010000 Centre Manager: Avril Mansouri

Opening Hours: Monday to Friday: 9am to 9pm Saturday and Sunday: 10am to 2pm

 

Pieta House Midwest

Ardaulin Mungret Limerick Phone: 061-484444 Centre Manager: Nora Conway

Opening Hours: Monday, Wednesday & Friday: 9am to 5pm Tuesday and Thursday: 9am to 8pm Saturday: 10am to 2pm

 

Pieta House Roscrea

The Glebe, Ballyhall, Roscrea Tipperary Phone: 0505-22568 Centre Manager: Martina Leamy

Opening Hours: Monday to Saturday: 10am to 2pm Wednesday: 4pm to 8pm

 

Pieta House Tallaght

Mount La Salle Ballyfermot Road Dublin 10 Phone: 087-9368633 Centre Manager: Enda Dowling

Opening Hours: Monday to Friday: 9am to 6pm Saturday: 10am to 2pm

 

Pieta House West

Bishop Street Tuam Galway Phone: 093-25586 Centre Manager: To be confirmed

Opening Hours: Monday, Tuesday, Thursday & Friday: 9am to 5pm Wednesday: 9am to 8pm Saturday: 10am to 2pm

For additional information on our services email:mary@pieta.ie

 

 

 

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11 Comments (+add yours?)

  1. Phill Ferreira
    Apr 28, 2014 @ 15:13:55

    Anja , thank you , what a moving post , I can relate to it on so many levels ……

    Reply

    • nrjnigel
      Apr 28, 2014 @ 21:31:47

      You describe a terrible truth. One many are spared but too many face. I hope that you always find the strength to take your own advice. And even more that you find a way to live without the “black dog’s ” prowling visits.

      Reply

      • anjaeriud
        Apr 28, 2014 @ 23:02:26

        Thank you nrjnigel and Phil.

        What a lot of people don’t realise that is for some people this IS normal – or at least is your “normal” that having these thoughts becomes part of your inner life – that taking your own life is an option – I do actually understand the psychology behind depression – have suffered from clinical depression on and off most of my life – you learn to live with it – a bit like having a constant cold.

        What triggers a full blown episode of depression is and can be an accumulation of events – over a period of time – the catalyst that propels you to the edge of that cliff is what you hold apart from, and in some protected part of your consciousness – you try not to disturb it – to leave it alone – you tuck it away and pay it no attention.

        But it’s like a stone in your shoe – you limp – not always visibly – but it’s there – I know that most people would find this odd – but people appear to function – they go to work – they go out with friends – they write blogs – they even laugh at jokes – they appear “normal” and they do so because for a lot a people – the answers or solutions that work for them when they’re “feeling a bit down” is to “pull yourself together” “go out and enjoy yourself and forget about this or that” “ all you need is a good night sleep”
        It gets to be blunt – tiresome – and draining – for many people who suffer from depression – the only solution to well meaning but misinformed people is to hibernate – close your door and wait it out – wait for it to pass – sometimes it does – sometimes it doesn’t – sometimes it dissipates enough for you to wearily take up your life again – and sometimes – someone or something fires an arrow at just the right time, in the right way – and that carefully constructed sheltered spot where you have placed your pain is shattered.

        People think that people who suffer from depression spend all their time curled up in a ball weeping – not all the time – as I said sometimes you can take up your life and to be blunt “go through the motions” but it is and can be wearying – and it is and can be draining – you find ways to live with it – to function to “go through the motions”

        For someone who is “prone to depression” you need reasons to keep on living – you actually do need to have a mental list running in your head – for most people they don’t have to think about that – they are alive – what more needs to be said.
        Suicide is the end game – and it isn’t a case of someone giving you a list of reasons why you should live and continue to live – you need reasons not to die.

      • Phill Ferreira
        Apr 29, 2014 @ 11:16:44

        Thank you for your comment 🙂

  2. healingmen
    Apr 28, 2014 @ 21:56:45

    Thank you for finding and taking the courage to see and know your pain and then to step back from the edge. My heart goes out to you.

    Reply

    • anjaeriud
      Apr 28, 2014 @ 23:13:05

      Thank you Healingman – but it isnt courage, not really, I dont know what is – except that it makes me aware of how you cannot use suicide as a stunt. Or a vehicle to propel an agenda – ANY agenda – we are talking about peoples lives here. I make no apology for this MHRI used and is using the issue as a stunt.

      Using suicide as a PR tool by ignorant and ill-informed UNQUALIFIED idiots to advance either the cause of feminism or Men’s Rights is for me anyway – not only cynical but unless it is written about or discussed by people who are qualified – either professionally or have direct knowledge then it is a ploy – a useful and emotive weapon in the hands of ignorant and ill informed arseholes.
      To discuss or write about suicide WITHOUT offering any hope – without reiterating over and over again that someone will listen – someone will let you speak out loud the pain that engulfs you is irresponsible, reprehensible and to be blunt immoral.

      Do I know that more men than women take their own lives? Yes of course I do – do I know that women tend to make more suicide attempts than men? Again – of course I do.

      Are there many many professionals and people who dedicate themselves to “be there” to be on the other end of a phone in Ireland – yes there bloody are – the causes of suicidal ideation are myriad and complex – and yes the influence of feminism has contributed enormously to the increase in male suicides – there is no doubt about that – but – that has nothing to do with the people who work in the area of suicide prevention and services – they don’t give a shit if you’re a feminist or a MRA, they don’t give a shit if you’re male or female – all they care about – and they do care – is that you are a human being in pain.

      People who work in that area are in the business of keeping you alive – of giving you the space and the safety to articulate your pain – they are not in the business of judging either you or what or who has contributed to that pain – and they sure as hell are not in the business of engaging in rhetorical battles over whether feminism or the MHRM is the winner in the battle of the statistics – or who gets to occupy the high moral ground.

      To hurl invective as these people, to sneer at and dismiss and refuse or fail to acknowledge the work they do because they don’t that do it in line with your “agenda” – because the way that do it doesn’t suit some ideological or political agenda is in my opinion beyond distasteful, beyond being just a PR stunt – it is vile – it is reprehensible and irresponsible.

      But to peddle a message of hopelessness, of despair to people who already feel hopeless who are already in despair as MHRI did and are doing is disgusting.

      Men and women are different – and even in despair they are different – men, if they do go looking – go looking ONCE – they type “suicide” “men’s rights” and more and more frequently “parental alienation” into google – and they click on the first thing that they see– they have neither the will nor the emotional capacity to “do research” so if the first thing they see is this piece of crap campaign – and no I make no apology for calling it that – on MHRI – and read the crap that is up there on their site – the “there is no hope” no-one cares” no-one will listen” “no-one wants to hear your pain” THAT is what they will believe – and why wouldn’t they – it’s a men’s rights site – allegedly – MHRI says there is no hope – no-one cares – no-one will listen – so it MUST be true.

      Except it isn’t – it is a lie – men go looking ONCE for help – and then they kill themselves. It is that stark – that is what men do – and they do it because THAT is the message that men live with – they don’t matter – no-one cares – your pain is irrelevant – no-one wants to know – and MHRI – a men’s rights site CONFIRMS that message.

      Except it is a lie – people do care – they care that a human being is in pain – they DONT care if you’re a bloody feminist or a MRA – they care that you are a human being in pain. And they ARE going to listen – they are at the end of a phone – they will hear you – they will let you articulate your pain – and they don’t care how long you take – to NOT acknowledge or even mention this – is despicable.

      They did this with their inaugural article and I took them to task over it – and rather than learning, rather than doing their bloody homework – they decided to launch a campaign and present a message that is distorted – is false – and completely misrepresents the true picture in Ireland – and deliberately denigrates, insults and smears the hundreds if not thousands of people in this country who man those phone lines on a mostly voluntary basis – so they could take pot shots at feminists.

      I challenge MHRI to produce evidence of single suicide prevention service or helpline that has refused to speak to, listen to or provide help to any person who asked for it – because that person was male.

      Pick one – the Samaritans – Pieta House – Console – SOSAD – go online and type suicide prevention services Ireland – and pick one – how about this one

      http://www.grasplife.ie/ Helpline Call : O87 4188053 or O86 6824760

      The GRASP Life Foundation

      The website is dedicated to Mary’s only son Garry who died by suicide on 9-01-2004 at the age of 24. Since then, Mary has trained as a psychotherapist and is currently providing a counselling service to clients who are feeling suicidal.

      “Our mission with this foundation is to support those experiencing emotional distress or thinking of suicide through professional therapeutic counselling and support by psychotherapists trained in the area of suicide prevention”

      The GRASP Life Foundation’s aim for the future is to open a centre, covering Sligo, Leitrim and Donegal providing a specialised counselling service and programme for those having suicidal thoughts. The centre will also help those affected by suicide with a support team of trained and accredited psychotherapist. In order to provide this much needed facility GRASP are hoping to raise €250,000. We would appreciate all contributions and donations towards this project

      All calls will be answered by trained professionals in suicide prevention and intervention. Callers will always be treated with respect and total confidentially is assured.

      Another suicide helpline and service that MHRI “forgot” to metion.

      Reply

  3. zulu127
    Apr 29, 2014 @ 12:42:41

    I was wondering what had happened to your wonderful posts. I have eagerly awaited a new essay from you for the past many months. I too suffer from depression and what you have articulated in both the essay and comments section has truly hit home and helped me to realize that no matter what one may think of her/imself others can find good and positive aspects to appreciate.

    “It isn’t about wanting to die – it is about being afraid to live.” Sums up my situation exactly. The problem is that I do not know how to break through that fear and I end up just waiting for death to arrive since hastening it would hurt the very few people that I love.

    Thank you for all that you are doing in trying to bring this to light in an open and honest way and not using this horrible problem to further your own agenda.

    Reply

    • anjaeriud
      Apr 29, 2014 @ 14:05:33

      Hello and welcome Zulu

      Thank you for your kind words.

      I was wondering what had happened to your wonderful posts. I have eagerly awaited a new essay from you for the past many months. I too suffer from depression and what you have articulated in both the essay and comments section has truly hit home and helped me to realize that no matter what one may think of her/imself others can find good and positive aspects to appreciate.

      I am truly sorry to hear that you struggle with this – and I’m sure you already know – that this is not something that you just take a pill and bingo – you’re cured – we don’t have any control over it – we can manage it – learn to live with it – learn to recognise the signs and take some steps to lessen the grip it can take upon you – and by doing so – keep going. And yes – having “others” around you to present you with a different image of yourself than the one that you carry around in your head.

      People who actually DO know YOU in real lifo running for the – hills. You know who you are 🙂

      What I would say – for the benefit of those who don’t really understand what depression is – that if people who suffer from ongoing bouts of depression could “pull themselves together” they would – but they can’t – not without help and support – one of the most positive things that you could and can do for someone who says that they are in the middle of a depressive episode is to just simply – acknowledge it – accept it.

      You don’t have to “take care of them” you don’t have “do anything” there are no special techniques, or tricks – just accept that right now that person is struggling with a dark cloud that envelopes them and that all they need is for you to wait it out with them, and even if they object encourage them to go seek that help and support – and go with them.

      “It isn’t about wanting to die – it is about being afraid to live.” Sums up my situation exactly. The problem is that I do not know how to break through that fear and I end up just waiting for death to arrive since hastening it would hurt the very few people that I love.

      I know what you mean Zulu – for what it’s worth – and until recently this never actually occurred to me – the scariest part is trying to dodge the fear – trying to suppress those thoughts – but to accept them – they’re there – they’re yours – but they are just thoughts – you don’t have to act on them – saying them out loud to another person helps – keeping them in your head is actually scarier – thinking them is scary – but saying them out loud to someone who can talk to you about them – who isn’t afraid to hear them and doesn’t think you are mad for thinking them – is – better.

      Thank you for all that you are doing in trying to bring this to light in an open and honest way and not using this horrible problem to further your own agenda.

      I’m not really doing anything much at the moment – have been hibernating – but thank you – with regard to having an agenda – well I do have an agenda – we all have – mine is Men’s Human Rights – though there are some who would dispute that – and are of course entitled to their opinion.

      Right now – because this issue has come up – and because it is something I’m familiar with I’m addressing it – depression and suicidal ideation is an issue that if handled badly or carelessly can have catastrophic results – you can’t just barge in – spout a load of crap and then wait for the fallout – of all the human tragedies that face us – this is one that cannot be reversed – there’s no going back.

      Depression is something that many many people suffer from – and what I will say is this – if you do – then that IS your “normal” that is who you are – you didn’t “make yourself depressed” it is part of who you are – you didn’t “cause it” but you can learn to live with it – learn to manage it and learn to recognise the signs and even sometimes “head it off at the pass”

      For anyone who like Zulu is struggling with depression and with the same dark thoughts and you are in Ireland then give the good people at Aware a call or email them.

      http://www.aware.ie/

      Vision Statement

      Aware undertakes to create a society where people affected by stress, depression and mood disorders are understood, supported, free from stigma, and are encouraged to access appropriate therapies.

      Objectives

      • To inform and educate on the nature, extent and consequences of depression
      • To provide emotional and practical support to those affected by depression and related disorders
      • To provide positive mental health and resilience training
      • To support research into the development and treatment of depression and related issues

      The three pillars of Aware’s work are information, education and support. Information on Aware’s services and different aspects of depression (including depression in young people and supporting a loved one) is offered through the website and by post. Aware currently provides an education programme to secondary school students called Beat the Blues as well as a different programme called Life Skills which trains people how to manage mild to moderate depression or anxiety, based on principles of cognitive behavioural therapy.

      Support services include support groups (nationwide and online); a loCall Helpline and email support service.

      More than 450,000 people in Ireland experience depression (1 in 10) at any one time but many hide their condition and never get help. Aware’s message is one of hope: recovery is possible. Early intervention,as well as ongoing support are very important.

      Aware was first established in 1985.

      For general queries or to get information about Aware’s support services and education programmes, please get in touch with us using the contact form below or email directly to info@aware.ie

      For any Tesco Charity of the Year fundraising queries, please email tesco@aware.ie
      We aim to respond to all queries within three working days.

      If you’re looking for depression support options please visit our support page.

      Aware National Office
      72 Lower Leeson Street, Dublin 2.
      tel. 01 661 7211
      fax. 01 661 7217

      The Aware loCall helpline number – 1890 303 302
      You can email us for support at: wecanhelp@aware.ie

      Reply

  4. Grumpy Old Man
    May 18, 2014 @ 07:32:26

    Anja, In my darkest moments I have not come to that place you’ve seen; when someone I’m fond of does it leaves me lost, without words and in fear of my own inability to make things better. It brings relief that you have competent loving support. My thoughts are with you.

    GOM

    Reply

    • anjaeriud
      May 18, 2014 @ 23:26:58

      Thank you GOM

      It means a lot that you would take the time to post this comment.

      The last couple of months have been rather strange, to say the least, until my children unleashed their hatred I hadn’t realised I had been metaphorically holding my breath, waiting for the other shoe to drop, so to speak, though I had had one tiny ray of hope about a year ago – it actually does take your breath away to have such hatred directed at you by those whom you love the most.

      Anyhoo – am in a pensive mood, so am going to ramble on a bit.

      I know that many many men live those kinds of lives, deliberately alienated from their children and demonised and labelled as the font of all evil, and as I’ve recently been learning, by widening the scope of my own research and opening my eyes a bit wider – so do some women. I also know as I’ve been researching over the last several weeks the subject of suicide that the causes are more complex than simply “comparing the number of victims”

      Will be posting a series of articles over the next few weeks on this – but for those to want a head start will post part of the Literature Review I’ve done and am doing, at the end of this reply.

      Why am I saying all this? Well, because over the last couple of weeks I’ve decided something, actually a few things, and one of which is to share whatever I feel the need to share, no matter what the cost to me in terms of “how people see me” if anyone doesn’t like it – don’t read it – am a flawed human being – as is everybody – nothing more nothing less – I write on this blog because I want to – I don’t expect anyone to read it – and am grateful for those that do and who contribute and have done – I’ve learned a lot from reading some of the comments that have been posted – been as I said, re-reading them and finding new and unexpected insights and perspectives that I missed the “first time around”.

      Before I decided to “go public” I had quite a few discussions with a good and dear friend – a real life friend that is – about how putting your head above the parapet is one thing, but being prepared for what may come your way is another. Some of what has “come my way” has been very very nasty, some has been astonishingly good and positive. Sometimes I have completely failed to distinguish the two apart – but that happens in real life too, doesn’t it?

      Though what did come was from an unexpected source – which caused me great pain – but that was the intent wasn’t it?

      My mother used to say “that which doesn’t kill you, makes you stronger” am still working on that. 

      Though as I said in The “Road Less Travelled…” I just posted – am doing some mental spring cleaning – discarding things which on balance have not been either positive or truly what I wanted – went down a path– didn’t really stop to question whether this was the path I really wanted to take – discovered it wasn’t, looked back and saw how far from my goals I had travelled, and the detritus I had accumulated along the way, and decided – no – not this.

      One way or the other, as I now realise I would have had to deal with what came from my children – of that I have no doubt, now – but perhaps further down my own path – the one I should have taken – the one less travelled.

      Having said that I have learnt things, realised some things, not all good, not all bad, perhaps the most important thing being that no matter what you do “on the internet” there will always be someone ready and waiting to pounce – usually malevolent, always gifted with psychic abilities and the power to read your mind – and usually as dumb as a bag of hammers – so – bearing that in mind – my response will always be – should I choose to give one – exactly what I think, expressed in a direct and clear manner 

      Anyhoo – thank you GOM – very much appreciated – 🙂
      .
      .
      .
      .
      .

      Literature Review

      The History of Suicide in Ireland: Causes, Context and Culture – Literature Review.
      © amdempsey 2014

      2004Young Men on the Margins; Anne Cleary, Maria Corbett, Miriam Galvin, Joy Wall, Commissioned and Published by The Katharine Howard Foundation; The Katharine Howard Foundation ISFC, 10 Grattan Crescent, Inchicore, Dublin 8, Tel. 01 453 1861, Fax 01 453 1862, khf@eircom.net
      First published by The Katharine Howard Foundation. © 2004 The Katharine Howard Foundation
      http://www.drugsandalcohol.ie/3829/1/Katherine_Howard_Young_men.pdf

      2004FROM CHILD TO ADULT: A Longitudinal Study of Irish Children and their FamiliesAnne Cleary, Michael Fitzgerald, Elizabeth Nixon
      University College Dublin, Belfield, Dublin.4. © 2004 The authors, ISBN 1 9022 7785 6, Published by Criterion Press. http://www.dcya.gov.ie/docsdb/documents/cta.pdf

      2008 – HRB Overview Series – Suicide, attempted suicide and prevention in Ireland and elsewhere – Published by: Health Research Board, Dublin © Health Research Board 2008 ISSN 2009 – 0161 link here. http://www.hrb.ie/uploads/tx_hrbpublications/HRBOverviewSeries7.pdf

      2010 – Suicide in England and Wales 1861–2007: a time-trends analysis
      Kyla Thomas* and David Gunnell, Department of Social Medicine, University of Bristol, Bristol, UK
      *Corresponding author. Department of Social Medicine, Canynge Hall, 39 Whatley Road, Bristol, BS8 2PS, UK. E-mail: kyla.thomas@bristol.ac.uk http://ije.oxfordjournals.org/content/39/6/1464.full.pdf+html

      2010 – A Study of the Irish System of Recording Suicide Deaths
      Paul Corcoran1, 2 and Ella Arensman1
      1. National Suicide Research Foundation, Cork, Ireland,
      2. Department of Psychiatry, School ofMedicine,
      University of Oviedo, Centro de Investigación Biomédica en Red de Salud Mental (CIBERSAM), Oviedo, Spain
      http://nsrf.ie/wp-content/uploads/journals/10/IrishSystem_RecordingSuicideDeaths.pdf

      2011 – Cultural Context Is Crucial in Suicide Research and Prevention: Heidi Hjelmeland
      Norwegian University of Science and Technology, Trondheim, and Norwegian Institute of Public Health, Oslo, Norway. http://www.iasp.info/pdf/journal/2011_hjelmeland_cultural.pdf

      2012 – Pain and Distress in Rural Ireland, A qualitative study of suicidal behaviour among men in rural areas; Summary of Report; Dr. Anne Cleary, School of Sociology, UCD, Maria Feeney, PhD student/Walsh Fellow, Dr. Áine Macken-Walsh, REDP, Teagasc
      http://www.drugsandalcohol.ie/18056/1/Pain_and_Distress_in_Rural_Ireland_Report_summary.pdf

      2012 – Social-Environmental Factors and Suicide Mortality: A Narrative Review of over 200 ArticlesAllison Milner1, Heidi Hjelmeland2,3, Ella Arensman4, Diego De Leo1
      1. Australian Institute for Suicide Research and Prevention, Griffith University, Brisbane, Australia
      2. Department of Social Work and Health Science, Norwegian University of Science and Technology, Trondheim, Norway
      3. Department of Health Surveillance and Suicide Prevention, Norwegian Institute of Public Health, Oslo, Norway
      4. National Suicide Research Foundation and Department of Epidemiology and Public Health, University College Cork, Cork, Ireland
      Email: allison.milner@unimelb.edu.au Received December 12th, 2012; revised January 26th, 2013; accepted February 9th, 2013 http://www.scirp.org/journal/PaperDownload.aspx%3FpaperID%3D30247

      2013 – A report on the all-Ireland young men and suicide project. Men’s Health Forum in Ireland, Carlow. http://www.drugsandalcohol.ie/19197/1/ymspfullreport.pdf
      Executive summary. http://www.drugsandalcohol.ie/19197/2/ymspexecsummary.pdf

      Website
      International Association for Suicide Prevention (IASP) http://www.iasp.info/index.php

      Reply

  5. Grumpy Old Man
    May 19, 2014 @ 03:50:21

    “Having said that I have learnt things, realised some things, not all good, not all bad, perhaps the most important thing being that no matter what you do “on the internet” there will always be someone ready and waiting to pounce – usually malevolent, always gifted with psychic abilities and the power to read your mind – and usually as dumb as a bag of hammers – so – bearing that in mind – my response will always be – should I choose to give one – exactly what I think, expressed in a direct and clear manne”

    I found this today and thought about your comment: http://topinfopost.com/2014/05/12/top-5-regrets-people-make-on-their-deathbed

    Reply

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