Forsooth! Save Me Oh Gallant Knight…..


Forsooth, save me oh gallant knight from the perils and pitfalls of beastly marauders and ruffians, for I am but a weak and fragile maiden of delicate sensibilities and shall swoon in despair if my most trifling fancy is not granted forthwith.


I’ve been wondering why all our modern day “ladies” and gallant “knights” don’t just revert back to the rather flowery language of the golden age of chivalry and be done with it.  After all, according to the best “minds” of modern 21st century “experts” on male female relationships, all women are ladies of delicate sensibilities, and all men gallant knights who live to serve fair ladies, or at least should be.

Oh wait – I forgot – women are empowered, independent and self actualised autonomous beings, except when they’re not – and all men are bastards – except men who play along with the contradictory and confused “myth of womanhood” that holds these two completely opposite paradigms as true. Though, if you ever get a chance to eavesdrop on the “girl talk” of these “ladies” you will discover that yep – you’re a bastard too – just a useful one, because you, in your gallantry, don’t expect women to be ADULTS.

I actually get more flak from men when I state “I’m not a feminist” and “nope, never been oppressed” and “thanks but I can do that myself” at first it was odd, then it started to get annoying, now – well now apparently I’m “no lady” – well thank fuck for that!

Do I think that those gallant men who have attempted to “treat me like a lady” with all that this entails [sigh] are bastards and just trying to “oppress” me? Nope – they are merely following a script, acting out roles that have been hammered into their heads, literally following their programming. Then when their programming is challenged, when the recipient of this gallantry refuses to follow the script – in their confusion and disgruntlement and because the other party to this ridiculous script is ad libbing they get – a tad touchy.

Which in many ways is understandable, after all, they’re been learning this script all their lives, rehearsals are ongoing, rewrites are par for the course, their part stays the same, the lines never change, their role never changes, even as the female leads in this real life play edit their own script, don bizarre “costumes” depending on whether or not they are playing “ladies” or sluts.

Nope, the female characters bio stays the same – “weak and fragile maiden with delicate sensibilities” even as she whacks you over the head with the nearest kitchen utensil, screams abuse and foul language at you, kicks you out of your house and prevents you from seeing your beloved children – she is still a delicate fragile flower of perfect womanhood who needs to “be taken care of”

Perhaps you are a young man and want to go to college and study engineering, or physics, or some other highly complex subject for which you have an aptitude for? You apply, you get turned down, this is odd, you’ve gotten top grades in your subject since – forever – it’s all you ever wanted to do.

Want to know why you, the best candidate got turned down? Because some barely competent female decided it would “be cool” to be an engineer, did she work as hard as you? Don’t be daft. The college wooed her, with grants, with mega tons of path smoothing, with lowered standards, and laid out a red carpet so she wouldn’t have to scuff her Manolo Blahniks as she sashayed into college and took your place. And according to the script, this is where you shrug your shoulders, smile ruefully and applaud this delicate and fragile creature for after all – what a lady wants – a lady gets.

Here’s the punchline – those men who see themselves as gallant Sir Galahad’s, as “gentlemen” protecting the laydees from even the slightest inconvenience or upset are in fact the MOST discriminatory, the most anti “equality” the most patronising and condescending – your behaviour is saying, loud and clear – you are an incompetent nitwit, with barely the sense you were born with, you are a child, an immature useless twat who couldn’t find her ass with a map.

The ones who bleat about “how women are discriminated against” and therefore need special protection? Who would these terrible discriminatory men be?

That would be YOU – discriminating against women – because you DON’T see autonomous human beings, you DON’T see that by treating someone like a child you encourage and enable childishness, immaturity and self absorption. You give selfish self absorbed women permission to BE selfish and self-absorbed, you do them a huge disservice by enabling ridiculous pouty and immature behaviour and “protecting” them from adult accountability. Now THAT’S discrimination. To treat an adult like a child, and refuse to hold them accountable for their behaviour.

You want to know what I see, when one of these gallant knights hove’s into view?

A FOOL, a pompous condescending robot, parroting a script, playing a part, because he’s too afraid to let go of his safe secure rigid role as “man who protects women and is therefore one of the good guys” actually you’re not one of the good guys, you’re a patsy, a tool, a sap.

You define yourself by your usefulness to women, by allowing yourself to be used, by being, unbeknownst to you, the butt of the joke – and what is the joke that women tell behind your back?

“he’s such a fool that all I have to do is flutter my eyelashes, flatter his ego by purring what a big strong man he is – and he is putty in my hands – I can make him do whatever I like”

Yep, these are the delicate fragile sensitive little creatures that you congratulate yourself on being in thrall too – these are the manipulative scheming and avaricious harpies that play you like a violin.

You really want to actually do women a favour? To show that you “respect” women?

Then first and foremost, start treating them like adults, stop excusing and justifying petty and spiteful behaviour, start expecting grown women to take responsibility for THEIR actions. You know what you get if you let a child act out, or don’t correct bad behaviour – a spoilt brat that throws tantrums.

Have some respect for yourself – stop allowing yourself to be hoodwinked, stop congratulating yourself on being a “good guy” who only exists to serve women – any woman – no one really likes an ass kisser, a sycophant, a patsy. If you ARE one of those “good guys” who believes that women are equal to men then start acting like you believe it.  Hold women to the same standards as you hold men.

And no, I’m not talking about superficial difference in strength, or capacity to do certain jobs, but more fundamental standards of honesty, integrity, loyalty, truth and compassion. Those standards.

But perhaps more importantly, realise this – human beings come in all sorts of sizes and shapes, all levels of competence and ability, varying degrees of arseholery and decency – being male or female is the least important aspect of this package we call a human being. To elevate one sex over another, and pedestalise one entire sex is to deny the inherent humanity in the other. Consequent to this of course is that, if you’re the one that gets to worship at this pedestal, by its very nature – you will NEVER be good enough, not for the twat you just hoisted up on that pedestal.

Does it even need to be said? If you put someone up on a pedestal looking DOWN on you, why would it come as a surprise to know that she IS actually looking DOWN on you – you gave her permission to do so.


I Own Your Ass…..

Have you ever noticed that when it comes to some couples who are either married or living together it always the female (and yes I am just talking about male/female relationships) who is “in charge”

In charge of deciding the decor, the fixtures and fittings, the level of tidiness or untidiness she will tolerate. In fact, as soon as a woman, in the case of those couples who decide to live together, moves into a male’s house, she takes over. Even if she has not paid a penny towards the purchase of said house.

Ok, I get that for some men, they have zero interest in decor, zero interest in whether the carpets match the curtains, or whether the sofa looks better in one place or the other, so quite happily just let their female partner just get on with it. Fair enough. But, and this is purely from observation, I have seen women tell men in their own homes to, get your feet off the coffee table” ordon’t put those dishes in THAT cupboardor get those papers/books/bits of some project, off the table and out into the garage

I have seen men tippy toeing around their own house, afraid to even leave a cup or a plate unwashed and left in the sink and women practically lose their minds and scream “you’re turning MY house into a tip

It gets worse, some women will give their male partners the once over and decide he needs a makeover, from his haircut to his choice of shoes, they will literally remake this poor man into their image of what he should be. The funny thing is, and again this is just from observation, a lot of men put up with this shit. They put up with being treated like unwelcome visitors in their own homes, with their female partners practically accusing them of “making the place look untidy” by simply being in it! They will tolerate with barely a whimper of protest being dressed, groomed and made over as if they were children being gussied up by their mothers before being deemed suitably attired for public viewing.

This “caretaking” even goes so far as to dictate what this poor unfortunate male will be allowed to eat, his diet will be scrutinised and evaluated and if found to be not to her liking, will be changed, foods will be banned, portions will be minimised if she has decided he needs to “lose weight” and if she decides he is “out of shape” he will be nagged to join a gym, get some exercise.  Though funnily enough, if the man in question actually does play some kind of sport, unless it is one sanctioned by or approved of by this termagant then the nagging to give it up will go into hyperdrive.

How does one spot this type of female, how does one recognise the signs, if you are male and want to avoid burdening yourself with this nag?

Well, if you are intending to marry this wretch, the months leading up to the wedding are a good gauge of how she behaves and will behave in the future with regard to you having a say, being allowed to make choices about something that affects you.  If it becomes obvious that you, a male, are a bit player in your own wedding, if it is made abundantly clear that this is her day, then you my dear have massive problems looming in your future. Huge. Especially if in the course of the wedding preparations, her mother, her sisters and her friends all join forces with her to sideline you, to treat you as irrelevant to the proceedings then, not only can you be sure that this is not just wedding hype that has gotten hold of her but is a deeply ingrained, deeply embedded typical behaviour because everyone around her doesn’t bat an eyelid, and accepts this behaviour as normal!

What about if you are just either preparing to live together or have her move in with you?

Ah, same shite, different circumstances basically, if she gives your place the once over and decides that “we” need to make some changes – you’re in trouble.

I recall the scene in the movie When Harry Met Sally, and the character played by Carrie Fisher was moving in with Bruno Kirby’s character. The wheel coffee table –  Carrie Fisher’s character decided that it was ugly and therefore it was getting dumped, this coffee table symbolises, for me, anyways, the complete lack of respect and consideration for the feelings, tastes and personal choices of men that a lot of women, not just display, but expect to be endorsed. The way a lot of women assume ownership of men, put themselves “in charge” without even the slightest hesitation. They just expect and demand to be the last word on every single thing in their relationships with men.

Men become props, accessories, a backdrop to her “lifestyle” men are to be tolerated, endured, put up with. These women are sooooooooooo not worth it lads, really, come on, when you entered adulthood, grew up, got a job, got your own little castle, did you really expect that a normal relationships involved you turning back into a naughty boy being nagged by his mother to pick up your socks/clothes/crap”  ortidy your room”  orNo, you can’t go to that football match/concert/out with your friends!” Really? Is that what you thought was supposed to happen?

Guys, if you spot the signs that your girlfriend/fiancée or SO really believes she is “in charge” of even the tiniest little detail of YOUR life – run – I mean it – run – dump her ass – throw her out of your house. Because all those cute little “ways” that she has now, all those little caring gestures designed to “help you” to “improve you” NOT for your benefit, nope, she is remaking you, she is moulding you into HER image of what you SHOULD be, and no, you won’t get a say in this process!

Because if you do go ahead and allow this scold into your life, into your home, and you piss her off, YOU will end up sleeping on the sofa she chose, which you secretly hate, in the living room she decorated, which you are not allowed to “mess up” by being in it, dressed in itchy, uncomfortable underwear she bought you and you have to wear, while she sleeps like a baby in the bed she picked and chose the bedding for, that you are reluctantly allowed to share – if SHE’S in the mood!

One last thing guys, if the reason you did end up on that sofa, in that bizarrely decorated living room is because of some minor disagreement that escalated out of all proportion, then I can almost guarantee you that she engineered that “argument” for the sole purpose of making sure you DID end up on that rotten sofa. Starting fights over something minor and insignificant is usually camouflage to manoeuvre you out of the way, or in a position of weakness so she can get something she wants that she calculates you might object to. Giving it to her will be the apology she manipulated you into position to have to give her.

Yep, women ARE that sneaky.

© Anja Eriud 2013