Domestic Violence: Myth – v – Truth.

 

The issue of domestic violence in Ireland as in every Western state is not just assumed to be, but universally accepted as violence against women – no questions asked.

Well, I have questions, and I have some answers, answers that will not please those who profit from perpetuating the myths of what domestic is, who perpetrates it. Why the reason the truth about it is carefully hidden, deliberately misrepresented and more importantly, why those who profit from it will lie, dissemble, manufacture false data and statistics and engage in vicious smear campaigns against those who seek to tell the truth about domestic violence.

As with all things to do with so called “women’s issues” the ultimate question has to be – who are not just the keepers of the myths, but the authors of the myths?

Feminists.

The reason why these myths persist is relatively simple – over the last 60 or so years feminism has insinuated itself into positions of authority and power – positions where feminism controls the narrative, controls the discourse, controls policy and controls funding – or rather – exerts enormous pressure on those who decide where and what gets funding.

In Ireland, it is no different than any Western state – though two things must be said – when the first refuges for women were opened, there was a genuine desire to provide safe havens for those women who were suffering from violence and abuse at the hands of their male partners – but that is only half the story.

The other half is that men have suffered and are suffering from violence and abuse at the hands of female partners – they always have, and continue to do so – but this half of the story has always been hidden, always been overlooked, men have been ever told. and came to believe it themselves – it’s not that bad – take it like a man – she’s half your size, what harm could SHE do to you?

Perhaps the most egregious myth peddled to men is this one – It doesn’t matter. Well, it DOES matter, it IS important, it can and does happen, and it IS that bad.

Domestic violence ISN’T a “woman’s issue”, domestic violence ISN’T “violence against women” domestic violence ISNT an expression of patriarchy, of male oppression of women.

Domestic Violence are acts of violence, abuse and aggression perpetrated by one human being against another within the four walls of the one place where you should be safe, should be secure, should be able to live without fear – YOUR HOME.

Gender is irrelevant, size is irrelevant, what is relevant is that violent people, and these comprise a small proportion of the general population come in two shapes – female and male.

This is the truth about domestic violence.

At least half if not more of all relationships where violence is a factor it is RECIPROCAL – both parties are violent towards one another.

Where the violence is unidirectional – both females and males initiate that violence in almost equal percentages, in some instances it is FEMALES who initiate the violence in greater numbers  It is as true in Ireland, as it is anywhere else in the world, yet here in Ireland something else is equally true.

Almost ALL the resources, services and supports for victims of domestic violence are directed at only half of the ACTUAL victims – women – male victims are ignored, are ridiculed, are deprived of help and are lied about. By feminists.

Violent PEOPLE are violent for all sorts of reasons, the least relevant factor is whether they are female or male – the most relevant factor is that a violent person is JUST AS LIKELY, if not more likely to be female as to be male.

THESE ARE FACTS – not myths, not carefully constructed lies built on false data, manufactured and corrupted statistics, on deliberately distorted studies and research – FACTS. The terminology used in this research is IPV – Intimate Partner Abuse.

Facts and Statistics on Prevalence of Partner Abuse

Victimization

  • Overall, 24% of individuals assaulted by a partner at least once in their lifetime (23% for females and 19.3% for males)
  • Higher overall rates among dating students
  • Higher victimization for male than female high school students
  • Lifetime rates higher among women than men
  • Past year rates somewhat higher among men
  • Higher rates of intimate partner violence (IPV) among younger, dating populations “highlights the need for school-based IPV prevention and intervention efforts”

Perpetration

  • Overall, 25.3% of individuals have perpetrated IPV
  • Rates of female-perpetrated violence higher than male-perpetrated (28.3% vs. 21.6%)
  • Wide range in perpetration rates: 1.0% to 61.6% for males; 2.4% to 68.9% for women,
  • Range of findings due to variety of samples and operational definitions of PV

Emotional Abuse and Control

  • 80% of individuals have perpetrated emotional abuse
  • Emotional abuse categorized as either expressive (in response to a provocation) or coercive (intended to monitor, control and/or threaten)
  • Across studies, 40% of women and 32% of men reported expressive abuse; 41% of women and 43% of men reported coercive abuse
  • According to national samples, 0.2% of men and 4.5% of women have been forced to have sexual intercourse by a partner
  • 4.1% to 8% of women and 0.5% to 2% of men report at least one incident of stalking during their lifetime
  • Intimate stalkers comprise somewhere between one-third and one half of all stalkers.
  • Within studies of stalking and obsessive behaviors, gender differences are much less when all types of obsessive pursuit behaviors are considered, but more skewed toward female victims when the focus is on physical stalking

Of the many myths around female violence the most persistent one is that it is “charming” or “funny” or “cute”. There is nothing charming or cute or funny about a female who slaps, punches, kicks, scratches or assaults a male with knives, tools or frying pans – there is nothing forgivable about a female who hurls vindictive spiteful and psychologically damaging abuse at a male, nor is it “not a big deal” when a female holds a male hostage by depriving him of access to his own money, his own thoughts, freedom to come and go as he likes, a key to his own front door.

IT IS JUST AS UNACCEPTABLE – when a female does it, as when a man does it – it is DOMESTIC VIOLENCE.

Facts and Statistics on Context

Bi-directional vs. Uni-directional

  • Among large population samples, 57.9% of IPV reported was bi-directional, 42% unidirectional; 13.8% of the unidirectional violence was male to female (MFPV), 28.3% was female to male (FMPV)
  • Among school and college samples, percentage of bidirectional violence was 51.9%; 16.2% was MFPV and 31.9% was FMPV
  • Among respondents reporting IPV in legal or female-oriented clinical/treatment seeking samples not associated with the military, 72.3% was bi-directional; 13.3% was MFPV, 14.4% was FMPV
  • Within military and male treatment samples, only 39% of IPV was bi-directional; 43.4% was MFPV and 17.3% FMPV

If you are a female who has done any of the above things – I repeat – you are NOT funny, NOT cute, NOT charming – he didn’t “ask for it” you “don’t have the right, what you are is:

A vicious, violent abusive bitch, a miserable excuse for a human being, a snivelling nasty coward who should be in jail.

Partner Abuse Worldwide (sample of findings – my note)

  • A total of 162 articles reporting on over 200 studies met the inclusion criteria and were summarized in the online tables for Asia, the Middle East, Africa, Latin America and the Caribbean, and Europe and the Caucasus.
  • A total of 40 articles (73 studies) in 49 countries contained data on both male and female IPV, with a total of 117 direct comparisons across gender for physical PV.
  • Rates of physical PV were higher for female perpetration /male victimization compared to male perpetration/female victimization, or were the same, in 73 of those comparisons, or 62%.
  • There were 54 comparisons made for psychological abuse including controlling behaviors and dominance, with higher rates found for female perpetration /male victimization, in 36 comparisons (67%).
  • Of the 19 direct comparisons made for sexual PV, rates were found to be higher for female perpetration /male victimization in 7comparisons (37%).
  • When only adult samples from large population and community surveys were considered, the overall percentage of partner abuse that was higher for female perpetration /male victimization compared to male perpetration/female victimization, or were the same, was found to be 44% for adult IPV, although in many comparisons, the differences were slight.

 

There IS no excuse, no reason, no explanation that is in any way ACCEPTABLE – at all.

 

© Anja Eriud 2014

Them and Us.

 

What is the most divisive word in the English language? It is feminism.

When I say divisive, I mean in the sense that humanity is linguistically, ideologically, socially and culturally separated into “them” and “us

With “them” always being the lesser, the more troublesome, the ones who cause”us” problems, strain our minds with concerns and worries about what “they” will or won’t do – for “us

They” need to listen to “us” because “they” are not worth listening to. “They” need to accommodate “us”  ALL our wishes, wants, needs and whims.”

Do I really need to explain who comprises “they” and who comprises “us”?

I will anyway “they” are always men and boys – and “us” are always females, women and girls and the spokespersons for all of “us” apparently are feminists.

The underlying tenets of feminism go like this:

How “we “feel about “them” ranges along a spectrum – from outright hatred and vilification of “them” to a benign but rather condescending faux concern – especially if “they” are not fulfilling the functions that “they” have been assigned to fulfil by “us” – stepping outside the parameters of  those functions, that have been laid out by “us” for “them” is not to be tolerated.

Steps will be taken to ensure that “they” comply – that “they” will confine themselves to the roles as defined by “us” as acceptable for “them

What should be noted, is that feminists, never ever feel the need to consult the rest of “us” about their ”leadership”, their “theories” or in fact, if the vast majority of “us” would’ve voted them into these exalted positions of speaking for and behalf of ALL women and girls EVERYWHERE on this planet.

Within the period of a very short number years (historically speaking)– feminists became the defacto arbiters of all things female and male, and feminism became the defacto lens through which to view all things female and male.

I have two things to say about this. The first is obviously rude and ends in “Off” the next being a bit longer and directed at those of “us” who blindly, unthinkingly and without any real analysis of what exactly feminists claim about “us” but simply accept it.

For example, did you realise that according to the “received wisdom” of feminists and interminably repeated doctrine, the vast majority of “us” – females that is – are complete and utter morons, incapable of acting in any manner other than as passive, fragile, dependant, and to be blunt whiney toddlers?

With regard to the “received wisdom” that feminists lay claim to – this would be akin to the receipt of visions, of supernatural revelations, of psychic “feeeeeeeeeelings” that subsequently informs the “writings” the “literature” and the “studies” that have spewed out from the toxic and polluted well of feminism over a period of some 60 years.

Anyways, back to being morons.

Think about this, according to feminists, unless you (a female) get special help, special little boosts, YOU are incapable of achieving………….well anything really, on your own, under your own steam, and completely and totally on MERIT.

You have to be coddled, special arrangements have to be made, standards have to be lowered, you get to skate by on a biological fact over which neither you nor I had any control – being born with a uterus and ovaries.

Because apparently being in possession of said uterus and ovaries, sucks ANY innate intelligence, ability or competence right out of your brains. Ergo – according to feminists – speaking on behalf of “us” ALL women are morons – now, doesn’t THAT make you feel good about yourself.

We haven’t mentioned “them” yet though in relation to all this – yet. Time to look a bit deeper at it now.

In yesterdays post, I said that women are obsessed with men  – go on admit it – even if only to yourself – you know it’s true. In fact, since you were a girl, for a lot of you, finding your “soulmate” or “the one” or “the man of my dreams” was kinda uppermost in your mind.

If it helps – I’m a “girl” or at least I was – a long long time ago – so, yeah, I know.

Here’s the thing – and it’s another big fat hairy lie that feminists and feminism have told you – ALL women are fabulous, angelic, ethereal creatures of sublime beauty, almost saint like demeanour, and without a single flaw or blemish.

I’m going to pause for a minute here – so that you, if you are female, can go and take a good long hard look at yourself in a mirror – go on – I’ll wait.

To continue.

Well? What do you think? Perfection personified? Be honest now – what you saw was a human being, a female human being, no better or worse than MOST female human beings – fair enough if you’re in tip top shape and have buns of steel, but that, in and of itself isn’t really enough to achieve perfection, is it?  That’s just the package you came wrapped up in.

Because here’s the other thing, when “they” look at you, what do you think “they” see? If it is your buns of steel and are attracted to you on that basis, and you’re happy enough with that, then good for you.

Except – it isn’t enough is it? Being just a “pretty face” or a “fabulous body” really isn’t enough – is it? You want one of them to “adore you” to think that you are the “most wonderful woman on the planet

Well, according to feminists, that IS exactly what you all are – except – have you ever considered the possibility that “they” might have an opinion also, on this – on YOU?

To be blunt, absent a small coterie of equally brainwashed guys, (nice guys) the ones that you know in your heart and soul get on your bloody nerves – there is a huge contingent of guys, all over the world – who think that YOU and your fellow “special creatures” are – FULL OF SHIT.

In fact, some of them think that you are nasty, whiny, bitchy, horrible, brainless, slutty, screechy, ridiculous, pathetic, useless, shallow, vain, narcissistic BITCHES. By the way, yeah they’ll shag you, but that won’t change their underlying opinion – of YOU.

Also – there are a growing number of females – just like me – who think exactly the same way about – YOU.

Do I personally blame you?

YES, actually I do – because here’s what I think, unlike feminists, I DON’T believe that you are ALL morons – nope – I believe that you took on board the “I am special message” of your own free will, exercising your own agency because it suits you – because you wanted to, because you CHOSE to.

Go back and look in that mirror again – go on – except this time – look deeper – look beyond the surface – look right into yourself.  What do you see, now?

The big lie that feminists and feminism told you was this, that feminists and feminism gets to dictate not just what women feel, think and believe, but that this applies to men also – eeeeemmm nope – men actually make their own minds up – men look at you and form their own opinion, reach conclusions based on their own observations – MEN will cast an eye over YOU – and find YOU wanting.

Everything feminists and feminism tells you about men is – WRONG – completely and utterly WRONG – a lie, in fact a complete load of bollox.

THEY don’t need feminists or feminism to spin them fairytales, to hand them a line of bullshit, to wait for someone else to tell them what to think, what to believe, what to feel – about women – THEY just have to take a long hard look at what you REALLY are – AND they do.

 

© Anja Eriud 2014

Wolves in Sheep’s Clothing and The Myth of Womanhood.

 

Am sure everybody knows the “wolves in sheeps clothing” expression, but in case you don’t, basically what it means is that in order to gain access to new victims, or to infiltrate an organisation a person will represent themselves as benign, as a friend, as someone with no ulterior motive.

Sounds scary doesn’t it? It is and it isn’t, really depends on what the mission, for want of a better word, of the group or organisation is, that this wolf is looking to sabotage or infiltrate.

The higher the stakes, for both parties, then the more devious and underhand the wolf has to be, the more this particular wolf must be adept at blending in, at presenting a sweet innocent public face, and of course the wolf must know their enemy even better than the enemy knows him or herself, knows which buttons to push, knows just the right subtle mechanism to use to elicit exactly the response, the lowering of the guard, that allows this wolf to gain a foothold.

Ok, this is all very esoteric and a bit – excuse the pun – woolly. So who are these wolves in sheep’s clothing?

Women. Women are past masters at donning sheep’s clothing, at hiding their ulterior motives behind a fragrant and appealing mask. They will soothe, they will flatter, they will caress your ego with just the right delicate touch to make you – a man – roll over – wag your tail and jump to do their bidding.  But this is not the most special gift that some women have, and know how to use, ah no, the best part is the ability to make you believe that you are doing all this wolf’s bidding independently, off your own bat, because it was YOUR idea.

Of all the male instincts that women will play on, to use to get a man to fight their battles, it is the instinct to protect from harm, whether real or perceived, to step up and shield a woman from being “hurt” or “upset” or in some cases, held to account.

In the mission that we of the MHRM are engaged in, the stakes are very very high, on the one the hand is the continuation of the legal social and cultural zeitgeist that relegates men and boys to lesser status, to utilities, to disposable entities to be used and discarded at the whim of any woman.  But it is more than that, this paradigm literally saturates our culture, our society, from top to bottom, from major to minor, from the legal and political structures right down to the everyday interactions of men and women. It is a state of mind as well as a state of being.

For women, maintaining this toxic paradigm is crucial, it is the thing which gives substance to the power of women. That power is in being able to position themselves as the recipients of male utility, to be the ones that receive rather than give, to be able to avoid adult responsibility and accountability for anything they do. It is what has created and sustains the Myth of Womanhood.

It is the ultimate get out of jail free card – sometimes literally.

To ensure that this Myth of Womanhood remains and continues to remain the status quo, there are guardians and gatekeepers of this female power, this Myth – we call them feminists. They will fight tooth and nail, fight dirty, lie, cheat and steal, to perpetuate and maintain this Myth of Womanhood, to ensure that no woman will ever be held truly accountable for her actions, will never be subject to censure, allowed to have her “feelings hurt” or to “be offended”

Now while feminists are the guardians and gatekeepers of the Myth of Womanhood, not all women who benefit from this are feminists, in fact the ones most likely to collude with feminists in ensuring this Myth of Womanhood remains the status quo are the “I’m not a feminist………..but” types.

Why on earth would they need to, when ranty screechy haranguing feminist are the perfect fall guys/gals to hide the more devious, more toxic, more sneaky female behaviour behind, one can simply point a well manicured finger at these visibly ridiculous females and say “Well, I’m NOT like that!”

Apologies in advance guys, but men are fools, not all men, and their foolishness is almost, and I mean almost understandable.  But one sniff of female approval, one tiny little subtle “complement” dropped and one coy and eyelash fluttering “I’m a bit hurt and confused” or “I really can’t imagine why anyone would think I was being mean or nasty” and they fold like wet cardboard.  All the core principles of the MHRM fly out the door, all of the urgent and sound reasons why the MHRM exists get trampled in the rush to come to the defence of the “helpless female”

I’m female, I have strong opinions, I express those opinions without fear or favour, I accept absolutely that those who disagree with my opinions are equally entitled to express that.

I will NOT demand or expect that in the event someone does take issue with an opinion I have expressed, that some man out of some misguided sense of honour, or chivalry, or impulse to protect little old me rushes in and shields me from the consequences of this, solely on the basis that I am female.

When I say I’m female, what I mean is that biologically I am a female human being, an adult female human being. What I am NOT is “a woman” I neither require nor need a Myth of Womanhood to define me, I reject utterly this toxic Myth of Womanhood that seeks to absolve me of personal accountability for my actions.

Men owe me NOTHING, men have no obligation to protect, shield or defend me, men are under no duty to give me one single solitary pass on anything I do or say.

Men you owe no “woman” a single thing – not an inch, not a millimetre of “benefit of the doubt” simply because this individual is “a woman” because believe me or not, accept or reject this. Any woman who chooses to play the “woman card” or “the girl card” will stab you in the back in a heartbeat, will turn vicious in an instant, will look at you, and not as a human being but a utility, a resource, a well to be drained, a fool to be played, a tool to use to get her what SHE wants.

And what SHE wants is that you sign up to and fall into line behind this Myth of Womanhood.

 The reason?  Because the gatekeepers and guardians, the feminists, of this assidiously created Myth of Womanhood are being exposed, are being confronted and challenged, they are failing, feminism is dying, but the Myth of Womanhood?

That will take longer, that will take clear-eyed unflinching refusal to accept that women are mythological creatures imbued with “special” qualities that must be protected at all costs.